the vestibule of success

Life is good. Almost finished with the post-Golden Week (Japanese Spring Break) push and onto Obon (Japanese August holiday), which is my favorite time of the year, as much as I hate the icky-sticky-greasy-sweatwhileyou'restandingstill-summer in Tokyo. Why? Two weeks of paid vacation baby! You can't beat that. The battle plan is an absurd 20-hour ferry ride from Ibaraki prefecture (neighbor to Tokyo) to Hokkaido, followed by a week of kicking it.

The northern-most island in Japan, once disputed Russian territory, including a city designed by an American architect and more country roads than you can shake a stick at, Hokkaido is a far, far cry from the cramped lifestyles of Tokyo. I'm eagerly awaiting going there with a few of my dearest European brethren, whom I shall refer to in abbreviated fashion: L, a sassy girl from somewhere in England that is not London, is a close friend and my bad influence a.k.a. drinking companion. We recently drew omake (4-panel comics) about two of our favorite school staff members at work, seeing as how we agreed they both deserve their own cartoon or something. Next is S, originally my Japanese classmate, a computer programmer and an altogether good-hearted individual with a passion for traveling the globe. Finally, a Welsh fellow I don't know well except that he seems cool and is in good with the others. Two of those three also happen to be licensed drivers!! If I miss anything from the States besides good pizza, it is most certainly roadtrips.... although roadtrips around islands aren't exactly an option where I'm from (and don't even open yer yaps, Long Island does NOT count by any stretch of the imagination) Should prove to be an interesting journey.

Before that, 3 more weeks of the work-crunch; although in reality a lot of my part-time work (namely kindergarten-stuff) from my second job is almost finished until September. I'm currently sifting through Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged when I have time for it. I recently caught up with Gantz, my favorite horror/action/pulp comic full of vampires and alien invasions, and am now reading JoJo, a cult classic of Japanese comics full of quirky and unique characters and superpowers named after bands. And lots of blood!

Musical taste has taken an unforeseen dive into screamo, post-hardcore and hip hop lately: At the Drive-In, Wu Tang, Eric's Trip, Modest Mouse, Maudlin of the Well, Small Brown Bike, End of a Year and Ceremony (the one hardcore band on the list), just to name a few. I feel like 11 years of metal is finally starting to burn me a bit and I need to look to other things. Why can't more bands just have good, unique vocalists like all of the above? Such is the way with anything I suppose: If there's a lot of it, most of it sucks.

I think I rocked the N2 JLPT, (new-format level 2 Japanese Language Proficiency Test) a few weeks back, but I won't know until September. The whole experience was worlds apart from the autumnal/winter isolation and late-night crams that went into Decembers finger-of-god, skin-of-teeth passing grade, and was in the spirit of summertime an exciting romp through the land of new things, namely being able to listen and read a lot better than I could 6 months back. Dating someone native in Japanese might have helped the former, and no question my addiction to text and imagery definitely aided the latter. But really it teaches me the greatest lesson of all: all things take time. I want to be better at Japanese today, and I can be, but only by seemingly invisible increments. So inch by inch I crawl towards some unknown vestibule of success. What is success? And why on earth is it contained within a vestibule? Such are the questions that no man can answer.

Other topics of relevance to my life which remain yet unmentioned: discovering a good American crime-drama a.k.a. The Wire (8 year late-pass please); coming to find hipster-infested, gyaru (blonde-hair barbie-doll type girls)-ridden Shibuya is my favorite hangout spot in Tokyo; a slight grimace at (but overall of) enjoyment of the single life; a dive back into some junkier foods and not having enough time to do proper workouts as of late; thinking what a shame it is the days can't be like the nights in the summer in the city; and wondering why other countries don't have genres upon sub-genres of comic books for every conceivable notion from robotic monsters to making a band to raising children to old people exploring the moon to whatever else the imagination can whip up.

That's all.


"Everything flows; nothing remains." - Hermaclitus

Mission accomplished

Here I am in my new place. There are trees outside, the air is noticeably easier to breathe, the streets wider and the whole atmosphere of the town much less busy than before. To think I moved about 6.6 kilometers and 4 stations away! (although I am now technically in Saitama prefecture and not Tokyo) But that's the difference a little distance makes in this cramped corner of the world. I went from cement-box city and living in a crappy one room apartment to a spacious 2DK (3 rooms, including a full kitchen) with a park visible from the window. There's a baseball diamond and a running track in the park, not to mention tennis courts I'll never use. The public library, post office and public gym including basketball courts (!!) are all a stroll away. I haven't played basketball in almost 2 years, and I hear there's a club here, I might just have to join. They know they want the tall white dude on their team. Oh, and the kicker is since it's a public gym it's only 100 yen per entry, about a dollar compared to the 9000 yen monthly I was paying before, close to 100 dollars!! Goodbye Tobu-Nerima. In fact the the night before I moved, having pushed myself to attending a friend's closeby concert even though I new better I remember walking home and cursing out every corner of the city. Ya know, because I could. Suffice it to say I'm already much happier here.

Speaking of happiness, I broke up with the girl I was seeing last weekend. That was my first real breakup over here, and we dated for almost 4 months. It's all for the best and I'm better for the experience and all that wash, but what I learned more than anything else - besides the fact that my lack of of passion for rabid consumerism a.k.a. not loving "going to shopping" kills my chances with about 99% of the women in this country - is what it's like to date in Tokyo. One word: busy. I've grown to dislike that word ever since I first moved her but most especially while I was dating this girl. People put themselves through impossible schedules here, and this particular lady was working two jobs simultaneously both of which were her own business ventures. I thought that was pretty cool at first... until I realized it meant the chances of seeing each other at least once a week (or even twice a month) was comparable to the likelihood of icicles forming in a volcano. We had fun anyhow, and I'm over the bummed out phase which follows any breakup and enjoying my newly re-discovered freedom. I could say a lot more on the subject (I sort of let it overtake my life for a while because I'm gullible like that) but I'm not the kind to flood my blog with such "emo" posts. Not when there are much more urgent things to write about, like....

-how I'm enjoying working at kindergarten's more than I had expected. Not only is the supplemental income quite a nice bonus, but the work is hands-on, high speed and excellent life experience to boot. Definitely a young man's game though, so best be wary of how long I wade in this pool (and how yellowish the water is)

-how I'm reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, not because it's over 1000 pages... ok that's part of it, but not JUST because of the density and my attraction to ridiculously huge goals (see: mastering Japanese and becoming competent in Mandarin Chinese before 30; teaching at colleges; world domination) I'm intrigued because a) I like anything remotely philosophical and b) so many people love and hate this woman. I specifically remember an episode of South Park where I think Officer Mackie calls it the most boring book ever or something to that effect. Never one to blindly accept opinions, I had to see for myself. Plus the Singaporean kid who sold me all his awesome furniture for really cheap gave it to me when cleaning out his apartment. A double win situation.

-how my new place is pimped out. I can cook now: 3 burners and a decent-size fridge at long long last. I just came back from the supermarket with a haul of vegetables and meat and I am elated. My diet and workout have went to crap in the last 2 months, really got to get back into the rhythm now that I'm almost settled in.

And on and on I can always go. More writing means more to proofread though, which in turn means the less chance I'll actually do the proofreading and then you won't ever be reading this at all so I'm cutting the line soon. But before that, one more thing: My work schedule is heavy lately, that's my excuse for not putting as much into the blog.... but I've realized something very very important in recent days. Dire. On the verge of epiphany even: I like the busyness. Am I becoming a tokyo-ite like my workaholic of an ex-girlfriend? Not the case at all. I have this habit of getting trapped in my head and over-thinking in roughly 23 directions at once, and the only way to stop this train without hooking myself up to a morphine drip or going into a coma is to keep myself moving. Almost constantly. When I'm teaching, as grueling or tiring as it can get at times, I'm engaged in a dialogue with another human being(s) that has a distinct purpose. I was telling myself over and over that I had taken on this extra workload for the money, save for college this and that but it's really all secondary. What's first and unalterabley foremost is I've found work I enjoy doing! Not to mention I'm young and full of energy I need an outlet for, so I've wedged myself into the system. Sort of like that last tetris block that needs an extra bit of toggling, I didn't go quietly or without a struggle but here I am. In the machine. Part of the system. A cog in the beastly machinery.

Here's an uplifting poem I wrote on the train home today:



And I leave you with this note to all listeners of anything remotely metal: Starkweather's "This Sheltering Night" is the best record of 2010, period. Go buy it. Good day to you all.

"Father pestilence rasps in cicada speech / His countenance crowned in a halo of flies / Multifaceted gaze transfixed on the hourglass / Tactile sensory perception in crepitant hands // Reveals flaws in parchment derma / A regalia of weeping sores / In this place where the air is stagnant with the weight of disinfectant and decay / An unknown geography to place his head to the ground / Commune with all creatures damned and divine / Teeth rattling tremors emanate from approaching footsteps // Time has always been the enemy / I wish to slip this skin for rebirth" - Starkweather

March Madness

Before the fiscal year begins in April, chaos reigns over Japan. Deadlines loom something odious, entrance exams are finished, graded and returned to the delight or dismay of parents, and everything is a crush, a rush, a push to get through and make it out alive to see the cherry blossoms bloom. It's not so bad for me as, say, the typical salaryman or office worker, but I still feel the intensity building like a tsunami wave ready to crash the stubborn shores (the whole recession thing doesn't help). I'm doing heaps of extra job training this week for some Kindergarten gigs that should start up in April, so that'll keep me not only busy but also a little less in the poor house. Because the cost of living, having some fun and taking Japanese lessons 3 times a week on my standard salary leaves me without a satisfactory amount of coins to drop in my piggy bank. (You'd think you could just bash your head against some brick-blocks with question marks on them an voila! coins! But it is not so) So I myself am going through the metamorphosis, from teaching kids maybe 6 hours a week to an unknown increase, but I look upon this change with anticipation. The only thing is now it's Monday night and I'm dreading the long couple of days ahead of me. 我慢しかないね (nothing to do but grin and bear it) I just started reading a book called "Hokkaido Hitchhiking Blues," about a Canadian man who does just that from the southern tip of Kyushu to Hokkaido. Looks to be a light and fun read for a change of pace. (I'm getting near the end of Moby Dick on audiobook, and it's great, but it is one heavy mother)

Early night here folks. Between properly responding to backed up e-mails, inputting new Japanese flashcards in my study program and hauling a giant box of oatmeal home from Costco among several other heaps of "rare" goods after my Japanese class this morning, I'm pooped. My days off don't feel enough like days off right now, I need to take one next weekend that involves nothing but being a human sloth. I can't lie though, things have been great the past few weeks, I'm merely feeling the down that had to come eventually. Can't ride a cloud forever... unless by ride a cloud you mean be high as shit on Opium, in which case you can ride a cloud for quite a long time, but will end up a sickly waste of flesh as a result. I think I'll just keep my ups and my downs, thanks.

"We're on a road to nowhere
come on inside
We're takin that road to nowhere
we'll take that ride" - The Talking Heads

"Jokingly said you’d burn all that was mine in your place
With serious written all over your face
So I sleep in my clothes just in case
I feel the flames touch my face I can make my escape with grace" - Blacklisted

Thank you George

"Scenepoint Blank: Do you think hardcore gets a rep of being lowbrow culture because of the aggression associated with it?

George Hirsch: Naturally my answer would be yes. Anything associated with aggression is almost always automatically labeled as "macho," "jockish," etc. It's sad. In my opinion hardcore is defined by that aggression and volatility. I do not condone unnecessary acts of violence, but I would have to say that hardcore for me stands out musically at its most violent, its most unpredictable. You want something that you can feel and lets you know that you are there. When you are in a room with four-hundred kids and people are just diving off of everything and sweating and screaming every word, that intensity is what hardcore is about for me. So honestly anyone that writes hardcore off as "lowbrow" because of that just doesn't understand it and honestly shouldn't even be checking the music out anyway, At least the music I am a part of. For people like that there is always the cute stuff they can listen to on the radio. If they still have an interest in hardcore they can always go get a crew cut and listen to The First Step."

-Scenepointblank interview with Blacklisted.

I'm not getting into any epic debates defending the kind of music I love, the meatheads who ruin it, those who can't wrap their heads around it or simply refuse to understand it. Not today. But reading this pretty much smacked the nail on the head for me; It speaks to what I love about the music, the style, this community and sub-culture that has been created, and despite being bastardized and turned into a form of big business in safe and easily digestible doses (much the way of metal and its various sub-genres), it still exists in an underground manner that is alive and breathing to this very day. I really need to get to a good hardcore show. I told these guys they need to come back to Tokyo. Here's hoping.

By the way, my life right now = spreading my tentacles out every which way, meeting new people, trying/doing new things and having fun a bit more. Studying will take an official backseat until March or April. This is good, you were right Kyle, I worked hard for a good 6 months so I should play hard for a little while longer. Also, while I'm direct-responding to readers, Tokyo-Working Girl, sorry I'm late on this - why don't you message me on Skype when you have a chance? The only Ben Belcher in Japan. We can discuss jobs and what yours is like there, I'm curious. Also if anyone else is really dying to have a chat with me for whatever reason, you can look me up on the aforementioned program, but I only accept messages from people I know so please identify yourself properly, thanks.

This week I feel like going back to school for a PHD would be a waste of time and a delve too far into academia for my tastes. There must be more options out there in the world of education. Maybe a terminal M.A. would suit me better, though I still don't know what exactly it would be in. The more I think the harder it gets to move, so here I will stay where it's cozy and I am happiest. For now! I can work while having ample time to explore music, books and my own interests. Can't ask for much more, save a bigger paycheck. Except that I remember thinking from a young age that when I finally grew up and got a job, I wouldn't become obsessed with the monetary value, but focus solely on how much I could enjoy it. No point in being a lawyer if it makes you miserable. So by that logic, I'm doing the right thing right now.

In case I'm being to ambiguous: all I want to do is be a teacher. I'd ideally like to teach higher level education at some point, I think. Either way I was right when I blogged it almost two years ago: "here's to being a teacher forever." Maybe I'll feel different 5 or 10 years from now, bitter and old mannish about the whole shtick, but it's hard to imagine.

The human brain didn't evolve with this many decision-making synapses in mind, constantly pulsating and driving ourselves crazy. This is why the modern world overwhelms us all - we are merely animals with far too many extraneous factors besides eating, sleeping and procreation keeping us busy.




"I'll be grazing by your window/Please come pat me on the head/I just want to find out what you're nice to me for/When I look up don't think I don't know/About all the scabs you dread/
It's hard to stomach the gore" Dinosaur Jr.

"Wish I knew safety/Wish nothing phased me/ Wish I felt more than just feelings of unrest/Wish the darkness didn't cloud me/Wish I wasn't an emotional wreck" - Blacklisted

What can you see from your window?

Every week when I work in Shinjuku, I find it fills me with a certain kind of rage. I spend the day by going to Iidabashi for my 2 hour Japanese lesson, and follow that up by going directly to work. A full day, which leaves me satisfied but somewhat fatigued. And the masses, inside and out, do something to the natural state of the human mind. The people's mentalities and the general coldness to everyone they don't know in this kind of big city really strikes a darkness of the heart I'd never experienced before my time in Japan.

I can't assume whoever is reading this knows anything about these places, so allow me to explain: Shinjuku is home to the busiest train station in the world, and a veritable center of the megalopolis known as Tokyo. It's busy, always. Walking through there means becoming part of a mess of people moving in every conceivable direction; pure organized chaos. When I get off work nigh on 9:30, the drunken businessmen vibe is in full effect as well. And it all just piles up. Perhaps listening to grind metal isn't helping the situation, but it feels so appropriate to the madness hidden behind the neon beauty of the city.

Suffice it to say living as close as I do to any city feels like a temporary thing. It couldn't last, it would drive anyone with a soul crazy, I think.

...that's a dark start isn't it? Kind of prose-y though. My attempt at a description of the feeling of walking through the streets of Shinjuku, even if it only happens 2 or 3 times a week, thank god. It feels like a little piece of my soul is stripped away every time I cross those anonymous masses, being scratched and clawed at by the empty aura of the stone metropolis, struggling to-

Yea that's enough of that.

**

Last Sunday was one of the best days I've had in a while. I did the following things:

11-1pm. Listening practice test for the upcoming JLPT (11 DAYS AWAY) with a nice Spanish girl named Lydia. Got a 50%, which is around my average. Hey, listening to Japanese is tough! Thankfully this is a smaller portion of the overall test grade than the other parts I do better at.

1-4. Special 3 hour band practice, busted ass to get there on time (through the dark torrents of Shinjuku once again) Fun practice, they always are. Laughed and wrote and played and replayed and corrected and played again and felt exhausted and poured it all into the instrument. Yea.

5-7. Did the language exchange thing with Kana (friend/bassist) and did surprisingly well with Japanese grammar points. I can feel the pieces falling into place.

8ish. Arrived in Shibuya - the trendiest, most over-glorified crowded sack of amorphous blobs of people (which deserves its own post) I've ever seen - went to see my student Toshi's band play. He had given me a free ticket so I thought what the hell, it'd be rude not to go! I was pretty wrecked at this point, but managed to find the venue which I realized I had visited last year. Despite this, It is a bit of a tuck away building on an imaginary "street," above a Harley Davidson shop on a seedy-looking corner.

I had timed it to come just in time for Toshi's band, the "Super Sonic Monkeys," since I knew it would be an all day fest of amateur bands which I could not sit through. Although when I arrived, the act finishing up was quite entertaining. Some lady in her 40s/50s in go-go boots and white vinyl doing a ridiculous dance alongside to a male-backed ensemble of beardless ZZ TOP wannabes in trench coats and Leapord jackets with a fairly cute Japanese girl as a singer. The guitarists were doing all kinds of lewd rock moves. There was a saxophonist too, but everything jumbled together and didn't sound particularly good. Visually 10/10, musically 4/10. Wish I had my camera for that one!

Super Sonic Monkeys were pretty good for a band that does popular covers. The did the whole guitarist/bassist harmony thing quite well, covering Blink 182 and Green Day and the like. They even had a fan club, a gaggle of girls which I thought was pretty amusing. Am I playing the wrong kind of music? (don't answer that)

After the show the whole group - groupies, friends, band and myself - went to an Izakaya (Japanese-style restaurant/bar) they had reserved. Really brilliant, as them there U.K. people like to say. I had a lot of fun. And besides meeting some new friends - who said they want to "go go to Ben's Live!" - I realized that my Japanese hasn't improved at all.

It has TRANSCENDED.

I have had my head buried so deep in difficult everything that I didn't even realize my comprehension of daily conversation (and ability to communicate) has soared since the last time I'd attended this kind of social event with a bunch of Japanese people, maybe a few months prior. I communicated smoothly with several people almost no problem. It felt good. I can't do the whole night justice, let me just finish with saying it was fun.

The next day I took a much needed rest, studied and watched Apocalypse Now! for the first time. The Redux version in fact, over 3 hours long. Heck of a movie, I like the specks of Lord Jim and Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad that the director mixed in with a Vietnam-themed war movie. And I find myself saying "the horror... the HORROR" whenever the opportunity arises.

**

One more thing. This English teaching shtick. I realized in college that the beauty of studying English - despite its lacking somewhat in the practicality department, at least in my case and in the States - was that a good command of language can be universally applied to almost any field. If you are well spoken, or well written, this bleeds into so many different careers and facets of human life. My job now, it's not glamorous, it can be redundant, but I'm always working with real people. Talking with people one inevitably forms connections with them, of interest, curiosity, disdain, friendship, warmth, familiarity, etc. etc. I am able to learn so much from them, it has become an enduring strategy of mine to find something interesting in even the most ordinary or seemingly-dull persona. I can learn about Japan, or the culture, or get an unfair look at what this person's life is like while at the same time doing what I do very effectively. It is in fact my job to ask questions that border on personally intrusive ("Do you live alone?" is listed as an opening discussion question in certain books). The empowerment of it all gets some people drunk, I think. I want to believe I take full advantage of this position by gleaning what I can, while of course doing my job to the utmost of my ability and helping those who truly want to improve. Not everyone takes this kind of job that seriously, but I can't help it. I'm an all or nothing type. If I don't give a shit, I don't give a shit, but if I care at all, it's like I yanked the cork out of the Hooker Dam once I get involved. So I put my heart into it, and sometimes I get really amazing, intangible things back.

Or the occasional - but slowly becoming weekly - bag of delicious potato-salad bread, raisin loaf and other sundry bakery items from Junko. You are like my provisional Japanese Mom, THANK YOU ALTHOUGH YOU WILL NEVER READ THIS.

This clunkily segues into my last bit, the title. It comes from one sleepy new student's attempt to be creative today. In response to "Ask about my apartment," she asked me: "What can you see from your window?" I said I can see snoopy and woodstock in a window from my window, and several other buildings, but that's pretty much it. However, in the cogs of this thing we call a brain, this question struck me as so deep, so unintentionally profound and deep. How much does my viewpoint control my perspective? Where does the vision stop and the imagination begin?

What can you see from your window?

Nothing to say? Say it anyway!

I greatly enjoy sitting in my underwear and participating in solitary activities (studying, reading wikipedia, listening to music) in my one room apartment. The walls are scaly and paper-thin, but I have do have two windows. And although the sun-absorption turns it into an oven in the summer, it provides me with some great "natural heating" when it starts to get cold, like right now. I'm looking at my "business jacket," and it's got more wrinkles than a part time eldery bag-lady at the local grocery store, but ya know what? I think I'll wear it to work today anyway. I never cared much for outer appearances.

I spent 5 hours studying, reading, and also did some song-writing trying to bang out another F.I.D. number today. Our time is limited - not that it ever wasn't - but as usual I'm being far too hard on myself, wondering if this riff fits the style, or is congruent enough, or will please old fans. This is something entirely new for me: Writing music for a band that has a fanbase. I'm doing my best, and the girls like it, and it's a departure from the first CD for sure, but I feel like in essence (and with 3/4 the same members, even though the old guitarist spear-headed most of the material) it's the same band. I can't wait to play a live show again, it's one of those addictions I can never quit. A kind of elation no drug can give, girls can't do it either, although their kind of elation is nice too.

And, to finish, I'm realizing how lucky I am to be surrounded by some amazing people in my life, be they co-workers or students. I'm so glad I have a job that forces me to interact with people when I tend to steer away from it, as I've garnered some amazing opportunities from it. More about them later.

"Now you see me, and now I am a shadow" - Small Brown Bike / Casket Lottery

Positive!

Today was a good day. I submitted my JLPT application (6000 yen the poorer for it), had amazing students and enjoyed the beginnings of fall weather. I saw people wearing what looked like winter coats (it was like 70 and cloudy) which cracks me up. I can't wait to see my hometown again, and breath in air so cold it my body rejects it. I hope it's covered in 3 feet of snow come December.

I felt like I made a positive different in the kids I taught today. None of them were trouble, some were tired or stubborn, but as for all of them, I wonder how my actions might shape their impression of the English language or Americans in the future. Granted they have a good chance of just forgetting my existence too, but hey, I can't help feeling like I did something right. Today was a positive day.

"Silver Week" showed up much quicker than anticipated. It's a slang term that appeared just this year, to match the long-standing Golden Week series of holidays in April/May. I only get two our of the four days off, but hey, better than nothin! Terror and Winds of Plague are playing next week too... gonna be complete chaos! (or should I say kaosu?)

I'm feeling pretty braindead, My Friday night/Saturday morning combo work schedule puts me at 12 hours of teaching in a 24 period, always leaving me a bit zonked. Half-way through it now, writing ye from the trenches. The days and weeks are flying by.

I'm reading:

"The Rape of Nanking - the untold Holocaust of World War II" A really poignant account of a tragic time in the history swept under the rug, not taught in schools and downright ignored and denied to this day by the majority in Japan. Some really gruesome, terrible stuff went down between Japanese soldiers and over 260,000 thousand men, women and children, the minority of which were actually soldiers (or at least soldiers over the age of 12). It's grizzly and disturbing. A human atrocity. It's one of those things I remember reading a small paragraph about in High School History class, like the "Trail of Tears." I feel like even then I wondered: if it's so tragic an event, doesn't it deserve more than an eighth of a page?"

And on top of that, as Nick informed me this morning, the author, Iris Chang, killed herself several years after writing the book, feeling that she would be hounded for the rest of her life by ultranationalists, critics of her work, etc. And haunted by a looming depression. From what I've read on wikipedia (just now) the book is somewhat flawed, especially in the author's bias and uninformed portrayal of the modern Japanese, but nonetheless, it doesn't matter of it's 100,000 or 200,000 or 400,000 deaths, it should be remember so as not to be repeated.

Shalman Rushdie - "Shalimar the Clown" My 3rd Rushdie novel, this guy is intelligent and somewhat of a snob in his writing, but he's also surreal and convoluted in his plot constructions, which I enjoy very much. This is good so far, although it occasionally hurts my brain.

I dunno why I felt the need to write all that, but I did it anyway! It's my blog, I can do whatever I want! BOW BEFORE ME MERE INTERNET MORTALS.





...oh. You're still here? Why are you still here? You want to know about my secret plans for the future? What the hell is Ben gonna do after he is finished with his English-teaching Time in Japan?! I know you're dying to find out. Or at least I am? Hmm. Well. Recently I've been thinking about something along the lines of getting a masters in East Asian language translation.... if such a thing even exists, and studying abroad at a University in Shanghai or Hong Kong or something. I want to be fluent in speaking and writing both Japanese and Mandarin Chinese someday. I don't know why exactly, but maybe, just maybe all of this time in Japan is giving me such an uneven balance of what Asia actually is. This taste of living in a different country, it makes me want more. I want to experience living in another completely different country, and be shocked and humbled by my lack of knowledge about how things go down all over again.

It's OK mom and Dad, I'll pack my toothbrush.

"Everywhere's story is now a part of everywhere else" - Salman Rushdie.

All I need's a good swift kick in the ass!

I've been trying to vary my "training" at the gym lately, and I really did it this morning. Working out in the morning and working a 4-10 shift can be risky, and sure enough I was sleepy all day today. I somehow managed to pull through. I literally took a 15 minute power nap in the break-room (better called a break-closet, it's literally big enough for one person to sit down in).

No, I'm not turning into one of those bros who talks about his work-out routine. I still hate bros and jocks, that was founded in junior high and high school and will never change. I hate bullies more though. So what do I do when I see kids in my own class bullying each other? I can't very well grab him by the collar and enact street justice, now can I? This is just a broken side-rant, but dammit, dammit, dammit, I don't want to teach kids. I don't care how cute or fun they can be sometimes, I hate all the baggage that comes with it. Emotional, disciplinary and otherwise. And I'm also not a big fan of teaching rudimentary stuff, when it comes down to it. I like talking about the philosophically unknowable, the incredibly inane and the highly inappropriate. I did explain to a student what Jehovas Witness, the Amish and Mormons are the other day. That was very stirring (at least for me)

I forgot to mention I had an attempted kancho done to me for the first time the other day too. While substituting for another teacher. For anyone who doesn't know, a kancho is when you make a "gun" with your pointer and middle finger of each hand together, and try to poke the other person in the anus. As a practical joke. No, I'm not making this up, look it up if you want, I can't make this s**t up. Thankfully it was a failed attempt... I certainly don't need 6 year old girls violating me, that's wrong on HOW many levels??

Gonna go see a good show tomorrow night too. And no stinkin kids to teach tomorrow. And band practice and hiking a mountain this weekend. Could things be on the up and up?


"Save yourself, don't make a sound." - Starkweather

Stuck in "teacher mode"

Everyone knows "you are what you eat." When I was a kid with epilepsy, I liked the stickers that said "epilepsy is what I have, not who I am." Today's post has a little something to do with both. Being on vacation - an almost unreal experience after working so much and being in such a steady routine - has given me some time to reflect on an issue of autonomy that's been bugging me for a while: People stuck in teacher mode.

When teaching a class or a small group, a person is more often than not forced into creating a kind of psuedo-personality. This is done to entertain the group and to draw attention to the points being taught. At my company they call it: "turning it on. No matter how tired or sick or down you may feel, you have to be able to just turn it on." I've gotten pretty good at this. It's like hitting a switch in my brain, where my goofy personality becomes more extroverted, and I become more interested in what students have to say than I would be were I listening to them off the clock. (Bear in mind that English conversation school are more about getting students to talk than giving them lectures)

This kind of listening-to-people-talk-about-whatever-they-want can sometimes lead to touchy topics - I've heard our job jokingly referred to as underpaid psychiatrists; Although in actuality, it's quite true. There are times I've heard of students crying in classes about recently deceased relatives, hugging teachers, a lot of reaching out and things that obviously don't belong in the language classroom in theory, but find there way there in practice. There are people who are lonely and have no one to talk to. There are mentally disturbed students whose family won't pay them heed, and who find solace in the classroom, where for 40 minutes they are 1 to 1 with another human being. I heard a story of a female student who would make breakfast and dinner for her husband, and in between those 10 hours she would just ride the yamanote train (the main circular line around Tokyo) around and around for hours on end, until her English lesson. Then ride it for hours again.

It takes all kinds. You get lots of interesting people, and lots of needy people, and a few downright weird people in this job. An example of the weird: There's a warm-up activity I do, a word game where you make a new word with the last letter of the previous word. Like cat -> tree. I had an incredibly quiet and shy student, I started with something like trick, and he put down knife. KNIFE. That isn't even a k sound!! Can you spell "sociopath?"

So how do the teachers adjust to this, and how does it effect our lives and personalities, is the question I'm concerned with today. I know one guy in particular who has been doing this job for over 15 years - the type who has a family, kids etc. Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. Maybe it fools students, but the kind of "uh huh, uh huh" response I've gotten almost any time I've said words to him has been like an overly dignified "I'm pretending to listen but have absolutely no interest in what your saying" response. Then if you do manage a sentence out of him, it's like a rushed barrage of words with the purpose of denying his involvement in the conversation in the first place. It wouldn't come across that way to a lot of students, so I wonder if he's even aware of it. But to me it's a classic case of letting your occupation become who you are, and applying your teacher-mode excessively outside of the class room. The same kind of problem as a smarty-pants know-it-all type who acts like he always knows more than you about everything and is always talking down to you. No one wants to be friends with that guy.

It doesn't end there, and it's not an isolated case. For my own part, all this work with "English conversation" has gotten me thinking a lot about how conversations work. Sometimes outside of work, I feel like a conversation is arduous, or like I'm teaching a lesson. I even glance at the clock like I do at work, trying to figure out how to budget my time, which is totally out of place and wrong. I have to remember to separate my work mode from my own personality. Otherwise I'll end up just like that guy, never receptive, always putting on airs in social situations, leading to unnecessary friction and blocking communication.


"Look out, see life goes around you, the routine becomes what you are. Look out, see all the mistakes, that you'll be makin 100 times more" - Sick of it All

What in the worlds?

My eyes feel like they're on fire - it's really just the results of not enough sleep and being stuck inside with florescent lighting all day. And perhaps the 2 hours of commuting I did today. I love the school I work at on Fridays, everyone there is really sweet, even the little brats are downright angelic. But I got to thinking about how, when all is said and done, it's something close to 100 hours of my life I will have spent on those trains, just for one day of work, in a year. Crazy.

But I keep myself occupied. I've been listening to a Professor's series of lectures on Viking history which has me intrigued. Learning a little about Norse mythology, to say nothing of its immense impact on Tolkien, all kinds of fiction and popular culture as a whole, is really interesting, and makes me want to learn more. I've always had a kind of fascination with oral tradition, and I think undocumented story-telling is still an amazing and under-rated kind of art form. I do it quite a bit, on the job and off - Although some may call them anecdotes. They are hardly epics, anyhow.

MMbbeeewwe.e I have 3 more working days until vacation. Almost home free, except for the not going home part. (Not till Xmas) I survived unhealthy amounts of overtime, and I'm thinking of how to pick up some part-time shticks on my vacation... am I insane? Possibly. Do I enjoy the idea of saving for Graduate school? Probably. Do I ask an unnecessary amount of rhetorical questions to push this entry along? Poweruply.

I have been taking note about some really interesting Japanese loan words, words taken from English, that somehow didn't retain their original meaning. Examples include:

kaninngu, from cunning. In Japanese it means a cheater. I found out by incorrectly using it and almost hurting some poor lady's feelings in the process.

yubikitasu, from ubiquitous. It is strictly used for Ubiquitous computing, something I knew nothing of until Wikipedia enlightened me on the subject.

puchi. Petite. This one means the same thing, it's just a funny adaption.

That's just a small part of the mysterious pandora's box I opened when I began studying Japanese. When asked to explain my passion for the language, I overuse the term snowballing to be certain. But it fits. Who knew it would snowball to such great heights as it has, slingshotting me halfway across the freakin world, Where on earth would I be now if I hadn't taken Japanese on a whim thanks to Rich's suggestion and my anger at buying Yu Yu Hakusho VHS tapes on ebay with Chinese subtittles. (That's a partly true story)

I'm going to a shabu shabu party tomorrow night. Shabu shabu is a kind of thinly sliced meat boiled quickly and dipped in a sauce, and is also a kind perverse Japanese slang which I won't get into.

I hope this entry has been entertaining. I feel like so much of my energy has gone into other things, this blog has lost some of it's luster. I can get it back if I put some effort into it though. Sweet dreams, world at large.

"This time I won't let em have anything from me." - Guns Up!

"It was only a kiss, how did it end up like this?" - The Killers

"Then against my better judgement I went walking out that door
I smiled at one person then I nodded to three more
One man asked me for a dollar, I asked him, "What's it for?"
He said, "I have seen them" I said, "OK, it's yours"" - Clutch

Archery, ping pong and fencing in a one room apartment.

I picked up Wii Sports Resort this weekend, and I am really satisfied with it! The new "wii motion plus" controls definitely make up for where it was lacking before - now movement is less constricted and more natural. And I can finally have a sword fight in my dinky room!

Yesterday I had these students who come every week - they are two middle-aged women who laugh at almost everything that is said for no real reason. They're both very pleasant and we talked about Wii Sports Resort and the last One Piece movie (that's a super-popular anime/comics franchise in Japan). One of them was saying how the "voice actor" for Chopper and Pikachu is the same. Total nerd stuff, but only in Japan would you hear housewives saying something like that! My own otaku-like interests often give me good talking points with students. I had an 8 year old bring up Bobobo yesterday, and I asked her if she liked manga. "Yes, but my parents won't let me read it" is roughly the equivalent of what she said. I've also met other parents who say they don't let their children read comics at all. I find it surprising, and although some kids out here are so obviously spoiled rotten, others really have to earn their chips, to make the grade. Otherwise they won't get their new life-size gundam or samsung 50-inch t.v. or designer 5000 yen t-shirts.

I read an article that Tokyo is "the most expensive city for expatriates." Yea, but it's also one of the coolest places to live! Even if the trains smell like... unmentionables. And since the economy is generally strong, the yen is also worth something compared to the dollar, unlike the Korean Won or Chinese.... what do they use?

Hmmm. Well that encompasses everything I wanted to say. I have Japanese class today, then work in bustling Shinjuku. So here's hoping that today is a good day like yesterday. As I'm sure I mentioned before, this month is all 6-day weeks, so between work and studying I'm on the run a bit. Feels good to be busy. Good night America.


"I wish I could be the name on your lips, for only one moment of bliss. I wish you could see the paper thin-scars" - Blood Has Been Shed

@#$% the police.... subheader: The World at Large

Seriously guys, @#$% 'em. One of my dearest relatives has been caught in a clear case of entrapment by the coppers back home (who have nothing productive to do in Hudson, apparently) for selling a 6 pack of beer to a minor. Even though said-minor looked much older, and was obviously sent in by the cops to catch somebody unawares. It is really lame and I can only hope this turns out to be for the best in the end... But I have a good feeling things will be OK.

So what's new with me, you ask with those bloodshot eyes staring down the screen? Well, not too much. I've been thinking about my visit back home in Christmas (despite it being 6 months away) and how cool it will be to hang out with my friends again. But then again, how I really only have a few people outside of my family I even miss, as pretentious as that may sound. There are loads of acquaintances and people whose company I do enjoy, but as far as people I really know, or who really know me, there aren't so many I'm afraid. It's the same out here, except with a slight twist... I know loads of cool people, but really my closest friends are my band-mates, I think. They understand me and see part of me most others don't.

Before I go any further, I'd like to express a small concern. I'm afraid this is all coming off as self-centered or pretentious. I had some guy spamming my comments a few months back saying something like "this is the most self-obsessed shit I've ever read." Well, in his defense, he was probably right. I do care a lot about myself, however, if you don't care about yourself, you're either lying or have serious emotional issues. Or drug problems. I write a lot in this blog to try and make sense out of what's going on and to put things in perspective. It's my second reason for writing, next to letting the folks and friends (and fiends) back home know what I'm up to. And the mysterious internet lurkers who account for more than half the traffic to this site...

But I digress. That was a kind of disclaimer, in other words I'm fully aware I'm writing self-centered stuff. It is my blog after all, so if you don't care about me, you're more than welcome to read something else. No offense taken here! I honestly rarely read other people's personal blogs (more news and opinion-column stuff) with the few exceptions on the right of the page here.

So about my friends. I have some good ones here, mostly lots of cool acquaintances and people who are genuinely worth knowing, but I'm not that close with them. Then there is the aforementioned, twist. That is the beauty of the teacher-student relationship: I feel very close to lots of my students in a kind of distant way I've never experienced before. It's cause methinks is that I meet them through my job, and our common ground is usually just the English language. Of course there's more to life than words, and I've had some amazing discussions, and have had the pleasure of meeting some cool punk rock kids, very awesome Japanese versions of Soccer-Moms, politically-charged types (a rare event out here) and just plain weird yet awesome people. Meeting cool people is in fact one of the biggest rewards of this kind of job, as I've come to see it thus far. But even my most regular students, or the ones I've hung out with outside of class - one who is a skater and lived in california for a few years, really cool dude, comes to mind - don't really know me outside of my shell. Outside of my work persona and my happy mask. I do let pieces of myself through, and definitely express my opinions when the time is right, but more often than not it's a lot of glossy, empty smiling. Wait, maybe not empty. That's not the right word. I take pleasure in what I do, and I enjoy encouraging my students and trying to make something so hard as English fun for them, but so much of my energy, my expressions, my personality is somewhat forced or greatly different from my personality when I'm in normal-mode, instead of teacher-mode. I feel like anyone who calls him or herself a teacher has experienced this kind of self-transformation and these sorts of ubiquitous yet ambiguous relationships. What does it all mean, and will I ever know any of these people after the job is in the past?

That's my rant and thoughts for today. In other news, the buff 60-yet-40-looking ponytail brodude from the gym (remember him? When I first met the guy he was arguing with his other gymrat buddy about whether or not I was Eastern European, way back in fall I think) corrected the way I was doing curls and some other exercises, and after modestly receiving his gracious advice, I can't lift as much but my form has greatly improved. My wrists are getting much stronger, and something so simple as that can help me with the everyday, like computing, writing and such.

Thanks brodude.

"You're not in this all alone
Just look around and you'll see
The answer's right before your eyes
I'm here for you and you for me
It's hard to open up
Just try and you'll see
That true friends will always be there." - Sick of it All

Dirty doctors, fond farewells

About 2 weeks ago I ordered a back-support pillow since I have terrible posture. It doesn't help that I'm still recovering from pulling a muscle in my back a month or so ago. I ordered it through the local clinic, and the nice doctor who usually does the work was cool enough to suggest it. I've been busy however, and wasn't able to stop in and pick it up. So yesterday, on my way home, what do I see but a man in white scrubs (and those silly plastic clogs, I think) chasing me down the street. I told him I was busy and would pick it up later. That was yesterday, and tonight on my way home from work, I noticed that his shop door was open. So I checked in to see if it was OK (even though business hours were long over), and all I could see was an arm from someone laying horizontally on the floor, swinging in what must of been a bizarre "hello." The dude laying on the floor (the doctor's assistant) proceeded to say my black tie was cool, and the odd couple seemed really stoked to have a foreigner walk into their office at night.... and they'd obviously been drinking, although they were doing paperwork at the same time. Oh Japan!

It's such a right phenomenon, I don't think I will ever get used to it. My very existence, being a foreigner in Japan, makes some people ecstatic (without any effort on my part) or fearful (double-checking their locked doors at night). I either appear 10x cooler than I really am, or a big scary monster. I get the former vibe more often, honestly. I mean I can't read people's minds, and even though the difference between a cold, mean stare and a kind, curious stare should be simple enough to differentiate, the infamous Japanese "passive stare" as my friend Nicholas called it, is quite ambiguous. For instance, the other day I was doing sit ups at the gym and the tatttoo on my leg (located above my knee) was showing a bit. An older guy next to me just sat there and stared at me for a good solid minute or two. At the same gym, I was doing a back-bridge on the mat and this younger fellow walking by just gawks at me like a deer in headlights. Sometimes when I sit next to people on the train, they are just enamored/revolted by my being there. It's really hard to tell what they're thinkinh, so I just kind of respond in the same passive manner they utilize so much. Fire with fire, and all that. Best not to think too much about any of it and just let it ride anyway.

So I saw a good friend of mine off yesterday, and it was a bittersweet departure. Bitter since I no longer have a cool neighbor who'll play Black Flag and Rage Against the Machine at 8:30am, sweet since, uh... I got a desk in my room now? But of course I'd rather keep my neighbor than some hunk of wood. I'll miss ya Nicholas, get back here soon!

Oh, and the best part: my room is such a mess from me being tremendously busy all month (I've been working 6 day weeks and usually spending almost my entire day off taking lessons/studying), that I have a desk plopped in the middle of my room. I gotta "play tetris" with the place so to speak to get it to fit snugly somewhere. But not until next weekend!

Also, it's officially "Rainy Season" here in Japan, so the incredible humidity can make things go moldy, as my friend and classmate the British Mum of 20 yrs. expatriate-status recently informed me, so washing up, airing out and putting away my possessions will be crucial to not incurring the wrath of said mold. As Shane, my other classmate put it: "last year I got mold on things I didn't know could get moldy, like my leather bag." We'll see how it turns out!

And in other (non-dramatic) news, I'm really into "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" for the DS at the moment, and am reading Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." I don't really have a good reason for either, so I'll just leave it at that. I'm exhausted, good night!

"I don't want you to be alone down there to be alone down there to be alone" - Modest Mouse

"Remain steadfast. Awwwwww Perseverance! Crushing all opposition, discipline and determination" - Hatebreed.


P.S. In my post-work drowsiness I almost forgot the best part: TOMOKO (F.I.D.'s original drummer, who had a baby about 4 months back) is coming back to the band! We can start practicing! I can start jamming with a Japanese drummer who loves Suffocation! We'll play some shows this year! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!

Can I write an entry in 5 minutes?

I'm about to go to work but wanted to crank something out really quick. I just finished Haruki Murakami's "Kafka on the Shore," a surreal and metaphysical rollercoaster ride of a book. Highly recommended to anyone who is looking for an author with a more unique flavor.

I'm trying to read more Japanese authors, and picked up a great book that offers English translations and grammar/nuance explanations along-side the original works. (it's called "Reading Real Japanese Fiction") Hopefully this can be a kind of springboard for me to get closer to reading real Japanese books, not just comic books. That is an ultimate goal of sorts. As much as I do love Dragonball and all...

But I've realized that there is no magic bullet. While I am slowly accumulating knowledge, there's no way to set the process in hyper-drive. Just have to take it day by day and turn this hill into a mountain.

It's rainy here in Japan. Thunderstormed the other night. Weather felt really homey to me, honestly. I'm looking forward to the rainy season because I'm strange like that.

I had two kids cry in my classes last week, but yesterday they went off without a hitch thanks to some pro-teacher's advice. I feel much better about all that.

Things are very busy.... Seeing Nick off Sunday night, which will be rather bittersweet. Just doing what I'm doing, so I can one day leave behind the English teaching racket and move on to bigger and better things. Nothing else to report...

Except another roach! I set up traps and have spray at the ready. Come to me you little bastards....


"Look deep inside. Can't change the world but you can change yourself" - Sick of it All

"According to you, our songs should separate all the girls from the boys" - Polar Bear Club

Risk of burnout is imminent, abandon ship!!!

So this morning I woke up with about 5 hours before I had to go to work (at 10 that is), but found it hard to move out of bed. Somewhere in my paranoid psyche I'm thinking: "Swine Flu!?!!?" (or shingata infuruenza, new-type Influenza, as the Japanese call it) This of course is rash and baseless, I've just been lethargic upon getting up because the last few days have been 80-85 degrees and humid. And it's only May!!! Time to start powering up the air conditioner.

Everyone is of course freaking out about the Swine Flu. My school, which shall of course remain nameless, has closed its doors temporarily in other parts of Japan due to the outbreak scare. People are already speculating that the same thing will happen here in Tokyo some time soon. Yesterday I worked in Shinjuku, easily one of the busiest locations, but the first half of the day was surprisingly devoid of students. Is it a sign of things to come, I wonder?

Although, for the Japanese, their culture is working against them in this whole affair. It's already been beaten to death across the internets, in news comments and whatnot, but for those who don't frequent those types of sites or know so much about Japan, here's some insightful information: The Japanese go to work as long as they can physically move, be it they have the chills, a fever, a cold, sore throat, limbs dangling off, severe blood loss... well maybe that's pushing it but you get the idea. The collectivist mindset and importance of attendance is so critical that many people go to work (and school) regardless of their health condition, wearing the ever-popular but rather inefficient surgeon's mask to let everyone know they are sick. So in effect, a disease like this spreads through schools, places of business, and crowded trains easily here. Not much to worry about for those of us with strong immune systems, really only for those who are already facing some kind of disease...

Sounds a lot like regular old influenza to me.

Anyway, that's what's going DOWN at the moment. Swine flu swine flu swine flu is all I hear. On the upside, many students have learned the word swine as a result.

Back to basics and what really matters: even though I got up lethargic and slow this morning, I still wanted to hit the books for a few hours before work. Today I have 3 kids classes to boot, so I'm sure to be totally drained at the end of the day, and good for pretty much nothing. This gets to the title of today's blog. I want to study hard and make the best of my time, but at the same time I have to keep methods varied and can't just be staring at flashcards for hours straight. This latter monotony lowers my interest, makes it less fun, and increases the risk of burnout. I'm sure anyone who ahs tried to cram or intensively study anything ever has experienced this feeling. Your interest (assuming it was there in the first place) wanes, you feel frustrated and possibly intimidated by the loads of new material. This is a danger when trying to focus really hard on one subject, so I have to remember to keep it varied. Or at least remember to take the occasional break.

Lately I've been reading Haruki Murakami's "Kafka on the Shore." It was his most popular work in America or so I've heard, but I've never read anything by him before. Quite interesting, surreal and engrossing, but so far from the traditional Japanese author it's startling to the huffy old scholars, I'm sure. It makes me want to read more of his works, but in it he heavily references Greek philosophy and various other things that I want to dive deeper into as well.

But, like my Mother said, I can't be "super ambitious about everything all at once." There just isn't enough time in the day, and I gotta earn my money too! On that note, it's back to the books, paying my rent, making my epic cheap lunch/dinner of carrots, broccoli and rice with instant curry and hoping for no crazy mishaps during my adventures with the youngsters today. (Or at least no drool on my clothes)

"Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb." - Spaceballs

"It isn't a question of intelligence. I'm not all that bright, I just have my own way of thinking. That's why people get disgusted with me. They accuse me of always bringing up things that are better left alone. If you try to use your head to think about things, people don't want to have anything to do with you." - Mr. Hagita the philosophizing truck-driver, "Kafka on the Shore."

"If the world don't like us it'll shake us just like we were a cold." - Modest Mouse

Life happens

It's 11pm on a Saturday night, and after working from 10-4 today I spent 4-odd hours studying Japanese (nice power nap included). I'm working overtime tomorrow which is a slight bummer but it's easy money and I can't turn down the opportunity. The Japanese is certainly coming along though, and while some things move slowly others show great improvements. I can quickly and easily recognize (be it in speech or reading, more-so the latter) many phrases, bits of vocabulary and grammar points which I have only learned in the last few months, which to me is pretty amazing. I think that the last 4 months of hardcore studying (and reading lots of manga) has armed me with knowledge of the language that a semester or 2 in college in America just can't provide. It's immersion at work, I just had to experience it to believe it.

The shift is quite nice. Granted my social life is taking a hit but I'm also trying to save money and limit going out for the time being. Once a week is enough I figure. I know far too many people who seem to blow everything they earn on living the party life, but that was never for me anyway. I'm serious about what I'm doing and think it will play a part in whatever I do in the future. Yah.

As the weather gets warmer, that fleeting period of sweet, comfortable temperatures and beautiful days slowly slip away, soon to give way to the rainy season and the dog days of another sticky Tokyo summer. I caught the tail end of one last year, and I am not looking forward to it, to say the least. I've heard from veritable world travelers that Tokyo summers are among the worst (thanks a lot, Global Warming and Excessive Industry!) The bugs come out in droves, everything sticks to everything else, and the only salvation is the A.C. in my room, the train, or the office. And if I had a nickel for every time I was stuck in a small room, teaching four people with a broken A.C. unit - and let's just say they ain't smellin like bundles of roses, more like businessmen who haven't showered in several days, wearing the same suit they did on their business trip to Nagoya last night - if I had that many nickels, "I'd throw them at people in the foodcourt." - Strongbad

I'm sure it gets like this in other crowded cities, but man, some people (in and out of work) just reek like a sack of old onions or various other ripe products left to spoil. I mean why not at least carry some cheap cologne or something, and spare your neighbors the olfactory suffering? Instead of smelling like a sack of sweat (and often shochuu (rice wine)) when you're standing right next to me. [/end rant]

In my case however, I've always been a bit of the indoor type, if you hadn't already guessed by my dorkish tendencies and pale complexion. So the summer for me is much like the winter in that it's an excuse to retreat indoors and do rainy-day activities. Like study or read or what have you. Yes I know it's not cool and I act like an old man, but that's how I roll. In fact I've always been of the belief, although it took time to act on it completely, that I should do my own thing without trying to conform as much as I possibly can. This doesn't mean painting A for Anarchy on my left buttocks and sleeping in gutters after huffing paint; It simply means I shouldn't feel obliged to do things strictly because they are a social norm. I personally feel like so many people get bogged down in this that they lose themselves in the process.

I do need to get to more shows, but I have trouble finding good ones on my days off (that I'm willing to shell out the 30-40 bucks for). So for any readers out there in Japan, shoot me your suggestions.

I'm currently re-reading (actually listening to an audio rendition by this stirring British narrator, thanks to one of my uber favorite blogs Audiobook Corner) Lord of the Rings, and enjoying it far too much. Also reading Dragonball and Hare nochi Guu to practice my Japanese (and get some laughs). I picked up more books lately, since I can never have enough, and although most are Japanese-studyish stuff, I did find the autobiography/memoirs of one "Milton Bertram" at Book-Off the other day. He was a well-to-do British gent who visited Japan in 1868 and again in 1904 if I recall the dates correctly, and talks about the vast changes that occurred (in a funny, if presumptuous and by current standards prejudice and uninformed kind of way).

Ya know guys, I try to think of interesting things to blog about, and worry slightly that rather mediocre entries like this one may lose people's attention, but then I remember: I'm writing this for a) myself b) my friends/family to let them know what's going on. A little mundanity isn't always such a bad thing, at least there are no shitstorms coming that I can foresee at the moment! :)

P.S. Visiting home in only 211 days! Mark your calendars.

"too much is never enough
we take more than we need
too much is never enough
our gluttony will be our demise
it's a growing epidemic
it's too late to make a change
we're taking over
we are a cancer
this is the human plaque" - Pulling Teeth

"Like dancing with a dead body"

The title of this blog comes from my neighbor and good friend Nick, from California. He did TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) in California for something like 7 years before coming to Japan, and is not only a good teacher but an all around good dude. I was venting about how unresponsive and unwilling to learn some of the kids I had to teach were last week, and he compared trying to each those who don't want to listen (regardless of age) to "dancing with a dead body." You try to drag them to and fro, but they never put forth any effort of there own, except maybe to resist, and drag you and everyone else down a bit. I get students of all ages like this from time to time, not just little kids who'd rather be playing their DS or baseball or Virtual Kancho: The Arcade Game or something. It's a pet peeve of any and every teacher I'm sure, and it's one of the biggest reasons why I will never ever become a high school educator. If I'm going to teach long term, I want at least the majority of those I'm speaking to to actually want to be there. To want to learn. Because when the student tries, and you struggle together, it forms a great bond and is an excellent and rewarding experience. When the opposite goes on, it's tiresome and discouraging. My current "dream" is to teach at the University level someday, not only giving me the ability to teach higher level material that I and the student should each find more engaging than a study of basic grammar ("What did you do on your last vacation" x1000 = my average week) but also reserving me the right to say: "Hey buddy, you don't wanna pull your weight? Then take a different class and quit wasting our time."

When I first began to get somewhat serious about academics, way back in the year 2004 - ahem - I took Philosophy 101. It was mostly a study of classical philosophy, which some find to be quite boring, loaded with abstract, archaic rhetoric and so forth, but I found it really interesting. My professor was one who took absolutely no nonsense, didn't allow students to voice their baseless opinions (even driving a few of the cockier space-wasters out of the class right from the start, which I greatly respected him for), and insisted that the only way to properly understand the subject was by reading old books. Old, dated, dusty books.

I learned a lot from that guy.

But there is always more to life than just the classroom. If there wasn't, this would be a trite and boring blog... well, maybe you think it's boring, but then why are you still reading?

Last Saturday I saw Melt Banana, Slight Slappers and a few other bands who failed to be nearly as good as the aforementioned two. SS put on the craziest live show I've seen in a while. Case in point: I brought my friend Andrew to his first real underground show. He's a lower classman from the same college as me who just began a study abroad in Tokyo this month, and also an all around good dude. When he finished his tallboy of Strong Seven half-way through SS's set, and seemed at a loss as to what to do with it, I, feeling the complete chaotic nature in the air, chucked the can in the air, and it landed on stage. The singer - a spazzing guy with sweatpants and a face that looked like it belonged to a mental patient - picked up the can and shook out the last drops of it before somersaulting off of the stage. There were guitars flying and people too, no exaggerations here. Those are the kind of awesome sets I love to see here, and one of the greater advantages to living in the Tokyo area.

I reached 1000 learned kanji the other day, a mini-conquest in my Japanese studies. I jumped for joy at 1 in the morning. I also recently found a 10-story bookstore in Ikebukuro, from which I've bought some useful study books and will probably get some English novels at some point too. (It was entirely strange, walking through an aisle with English language books after I've scantly seen any outside my room in the last 8 months. I'm not sure you guys can follow me here, so just take my word for it)

I skipped cherry blossom viewing (a huge deal in Japan) for overtime a few weeks back, but didn't really regret it. There are a lot of beautiful trees near my apartment, and I got to stroll through them from the budding stage to the peak of blossoming, to that lovely half-green half-pink phase which truly signals the arrival of Spring.

Oh, and talking about Spring, allergies are still kicking me hard in the ass. Sinus headaches ahoy. It's just like being back home!

Oh, home. With my birthday fast approaching this week, and having spent well over half a year here, I'm starting to miss it a bit. This is a beautiful time of year in New York as well as Japan, and while I'm grateful to be experiencing the latter, I still miss my all my friends back home. I can however look forward to taking a nice, lengthy 3 week vacation (!!!) in NY next Christmas, as I just secured a roundtrip ticket for only 1000 pesos. Thank you, declining economy!

Last week was the first week of new classes and my new contract schedule, as the first two weeks in April had been a buffer for job training and such. How was it? Incredibly busy, slighty disorienting. All around good though. First day of 3 kids in a row involved one crying profusely upon the very sight of me and hugging his Mom for dear life (he warmed up to me by the end though). Another, a 7 year old actually starting bawling after losing at shoot the basket, to which I panicked slightly but managed to handle. I thought to myself: What was it like to cry in front of others at that age? Most likely you wouldn't want to be seen. So, I pulled in the staff member, and on a whim said: "OK guys! We're gonna play "guess-how-many-fingers-Ikko-is-holding-up," and proceeded to dump a huge colored parachute-toy over his head. This with some pictionary managed to take attention off of the kid, and by the end he was dry-eyed and fine. I think things should go much smoother next week.


Oh, I almost forgot! On my first day of work last week, I got up at 7:30am on Tuesday to visit the Immigration Office in Shinagawa to get my "re-entry permit" so I could go to South Korea over Golden Week. Long story short is the rush hour trains were dumb crowded, people falling over like dominos when the train would come to a halt and the one hungover businessman standing up half-asleep would tumble and cause an effect that put the majority of the car in pain. I hate rush hour here. Long story short (too late) I caught a bus out of Shinagawa, and it was the wrong one, me being in a hurry I didn't bother checking. I walked a bit, caught a different bus, walked more after receiving directions, saw some huge construction machines while walking through what was obviously a serious industrial district, until I arrived at the glorious Immigration Office.

They say that people at these kind of offices are rude. We Americans complain about our DMV service, I've heard from others it's just as bad at X public office in Canada, Britain, New Zealand etc. Japanese people seem to think this the case with the Immigration Office as well (assuming they ever have to go there for travel purposes), but I disagree. For government employees, they were really friendly and polite, compared to some of my past experiences in America. Besides having to wait in line twice, since the middle step involved walking to a convenience store conveniently built inside the Immigration Office to buy a ticket and go back in queue, I was out fast enough. I hightailed it to the bus, the station, already feeling the stickiness of 97% humidity (I was wearing my suit, as I had to work later), got off at Kawasaki instead of Yokohama for some brain-fart of a reason, came back, got to Yokohama, and went to do a job involving monitoring of certain hardware for a certain company I'm certainly not allowed to discuss on the internet. It's not as cool as it sounds, but I did make my normal days salary in 2 hours for bug-testing hardware and software, and that's pretty cool.

Two curry buns and a train ride later, I was in Ginza for my normal job. It was busy and somewhat stressful, my e-mail failed and I had to prep a lesson plan for 2 of my new classes, but I managed to triumph in the face of adversity. I liked my new students and I believe they had fun as well. I was however so overly caffeinated by the time I caught the train home that I had the shakes for a bit, and literally collapsed in my bed, but hey, all in a days work.

What else. I could go on. I can always go on. It's my job, in fact, to go on when there's nothing to go on about, simply for the sake of filling empty space with vibrations that sound like a coherent conversation until the clock strikes a certain time. This is also known as rambling.

Today, I went to Japanese class, and invited my fellow students and teacher to come to my birthday party on Saturday. I (for some reason decided) I should have one, at a cheap bar with lots of good food, just my kind of low-key place. Maybe some Karaoke afterward.

I also visited my friend Ann who is sadly bedridden in a hospital, no fun at all. Unfortunately on my way to deliver her something besides hospital food (an Avocado Veggie sub to be precise), I was the victim of the most severe migraine I've had in, quite literally, years. My head felt like it was going to split open, I sweat profusely, got the chills and felt waves of nausea. I have no idea what triggered it, I had been feeling fine up until that point. I don't think today's lunch of garlic pork was to blame, anyhow.

So there I was, visiting my friend in a hospital, but in miserable shape myself, and she ironically enough was quite peppy and in a good mood (happy to have a visitor of course). I laid down on her bed, borrowed some headache medicine and veritably filled in as a patient for a few hours. It was a strange experience to say the least. But good to see a friend and see her get all embarrassed when the nurse asked her "did you stool today?" =D Love ya Ann.

The migraine did pass after about 4 or 5 hours, but man, what a whopper. If that happened during work I'd be pretty useless. Here's hoping it doesn't.

I'm fresh out of material so let's call it a day. South Korea in 9 days, and I can already taste the kimchi.

"Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it." - Big Trouble in Little China Town.

Who says I'm a dork?

HHRRMMMM????

Long story short, due to aforementioned "New (Fiscal) Year," time has been short, and I've been filling my free time with things besides the blog. I haven't abandoned it, just put it on the back-burner for a while. My schedule this year is full but awesome, I just worked at a school 15 minutes away. 15 FREAKIN MINUTES! After almost 8 months of 40+ minute commutes, I at least have a short one to look forward to each week! And on the whole travel time has been reduced quite a bit compared to last year. (Incidentally, said close school happens to be my favorite)

I wish I had a thousand interesting anecdotes to share about my exciting double life of rogue English teacher and being a wacky foreigner who cannonballed into some ojisan onsen (old man's hot spring) but alas, it's been rather quiet outside of work. I saw Watchmen the other ngiht and was greatly impressed; it was cool to see a movie in Japan, (almost felt like home with the amount of white dudes there), just like America save the Japanese subtitles at the bottom. Those provided an interesting "subtext" (if you will) to see how certain phrases - namely vulgarities - were translated. My favorite part was when the hot female lead said "Let's go," and it was translated as "iku wa yo." To give any non-Japanese readers context, that's a super-girly interpretation (the gender qualities of language are a great dichotomy here) which could be accurately translated back as "OMG, let's like totally go." My friend said she thought an older man must have translated it.

The sound system was also absurdly loud. I don't know if it's me or it was just that movie or the projection guy fell asleep on the volume button or what, but my ears were ringing afterwards.

Completely unrelated, I highly recommend "Freshness Burger" for anyone seeking a good, cheap, American-style hamburger in Japan.

I recently read Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut, and excellent suggestion (thanks Kerri), and am currently reading Making Sense of Japanese by Jay Rubin (same guy who has translated the most recent works of Haruki Murakami, the famed Japanese author). This dude has some really profound essays about the problems we Westerners face regarding understanding of Japanese grammar and nuances, and he's pretty funny. Highly recommended.

My blog momentum just died. Like a hamster running on his wheel at full speed until his squeaky little self gives. Get back to you all shortly.

P.S. I made my facebook public, featuring new pictures from a recent Kamakura trip. Enjoy.

"I think I'd like to go back home and take it easy, there's a woman that I'd like to get to know, livin' there, everybody seems to wonder what it's like down here... Gotta get away from this day to day runnin' around, everybody knows this is nowhere" - Neil Young and the Crazy Horse

Doing things I've never done before

(written last thursday, posted late)

Today was my last day at the school in Shinjuku. I've worked there one a week since September, and while it's been fun, it's so busy and the trains are always so crowded coming and going that I just wanted to get out. The break room is also scantly big enough for 3 people, yet we usually have 5 teachers minimum coming and going. Thankfully, I got my request for a closer school on that day instead. The sad part is that the staff and my co-workers are all really cool people, so I bought them a few bags of candy for a final farewell.

I'm not the only one who wanted out though - one older teacher described his relief of being able to switch schools after five years by showing me this picture:


I also brought my guitar in at one of my friends' request, to go to a blues bar I had heard much about. We had Sayaka on trumpet, Katie with her alto saxaphone, Matt with the harmonica and me with my guitar. I instantly felt so out of place there: picture a bar full of drunk businessmen, small and cramped, with guitars and other instruments clumsily stacked against the walls. There's a drumset, several amps, various doohickies and a piano. As I walk in there's some big Japanese guy, butchering some song lyrics in English, rocking out on one of those big, bridge-raised blues style guitars. You know the kind with the wavy pattern of indentation on the front of the wooden body, like B.B. King or something. And while I knew that me with my hardcore stickered ESP amongst a bunch of dudes with fender customs and big-bodied blues guitars would stand out a bit, I still felt like even if I botched it, things would be O.K.... or at least that's what I told myself. I was really nervous but by the time I got to play a lot of people had left, so it was less pressure.

After about 2 hours of waiting (we had our names on a list, and everyone is a guitarist these days after all) we all got to go up with a few other random musicians. Even though my playing was far from perfect; the owner behind the bar reminded me to tune in between songs, which was quite funny: "Ben-san, chuning wa...." There was a kind of chemistry going on there unlike what I've felt before in metal or hardcore bands. Everything in a band is 99% pre-planned unless it's at practice, but this style of blues jam means pick a progression and let it fly. Matt wailed on the harmonica, Sayaka's trumpet boomed like her own boisterous persona, Katie's sax sang out her heart and I did my own things too. I even did something else unprecedented, and actually attempted vocals. Of course anyone can do a blues verse or two, and as Lisa Simpson would say "the Blues come from in here" (pointing at the heart).

Despite a mad dash to catch the last train it was a memorable time. I hope to brush up on my scales, acquire a more refined taste for this or maybe another style of music and continue playing. I still wanna play fast and thrashy stuff, but it feels good to try something new. To test the comfort zone and push myself out into a different realm. Perhaps some of this will come off as overly poetic, but if you've never shared the feeling of playing music with friends, it just does something to your brain. At that time you're on an magic plane, interacting through this kind of fleeting, untouchable medium that can never be grasped, just experienced.

I really need to play more.

"...When it occurred to me that the animals are swimming, Around in the water in the oceans in our bodies and another had been found another ocean on the planet, Given that our blood is just like the Atlantic. And that's how the world began, And that's how the world will end" - Modest Mouse

Feeba!

Chapter 5: Cedar in the Air.

The other night I wound up, by some various hair-brained circumstances, hanging out with two Japanese friends of mine from Kobe and wandering aimlessly around Kabukicho, Shinjuku's famous red-light district. The two girls' reactions were quite hilarious: "It's so embarrassing walking through here!" They say as we pass love hotels, host clubs, strip joints, and what are probably soap houses (legitimate brothels). This area of town used to be run in a more heavy-handed manner by the Yakuza, and quite dangerous; Now it serves as more of an area teeming with varying forms of night-life. This was the night before Spring Equinox (national holiday) and there were foreigners abound. Other than the usual black dudes and other foreigners (not to sound prejudice or something, but it's like 80% black dudes), out to hustle you to going into an overpriced adult club of some kind, there were foreigners, salarymen and everyone from everywhere you could think of, all out to have a good time in this ubiquitously well-known, over-crowded area. Tokyo is an exciting place to live like this, and I guess I take it for granted at times.

I escorted the two ladies to the cheap bar I knew there, but it was full up since we showed up late, having celebrated early holiday with overpriced (but non-Japanese) beer for a belated St. Patty's Day. Again, the girls said they felt weird but we turned a corner and poof, like magic, we went from perv-ville to a huge display of hundreds of colored balloons, various cheap dresses on sale and stuffed animals. One block away was the hotel district, and two more was a 20+ story hospital. The sheer abundance in such small spaces is dizzying. Japan is condensation. The town I live in is more dense and probably bigger than Albany, the capital city of New York that I am "from" (really five minute across the river). But this 100,000 person or more area is considered somewhat rural.

When there are neon signs, 24-hour eateries and 3 convenience stores in 1/8 of a mile, I don't quite call that rural.

*note to self: place clever transition here*

--

Feeba (Fever)

After the veritable breeze that last fall was, as far as no noticeable allergy afflictions, I thought I had left my horrendous pollen allergies behind with my old life in New York. You see back there, every Fall and Spring were murder on my sinuses, so I had tried everything to counter-act it, from pills to nasal sprays to allergy injections. (!!) I even brought some of the nasal spray with me to Japan, but stopped taking it and noticed no difference - good for me, since acquiring and refilling prescriptions are supposed to be a royal pain here.

As you may have already guessed, I jinxed myself hard on this one. Spring is in the air, with temperatures reaching up to 70 this week, and Japan's over-saturation of cedar-based pollens has rocked me pretty hard today. Headaches and a sore throat when I woke up this morning, nothing unmanageable, but today I earned my chips, substituting 3 kids classes in a row, 2 of which were levels I've never really taught before. 2 of them went smoothly, despite being craft-based: making playdough was a right mess but fun, and coloring Easter eggs with a bunch of 5 year olds is really no big deal. I did have a class of 10-12 year olds though who were really, really hard to get through to, like they wouldn't pay attention to a word I said and I was continually being talked over by more than one person, and I have to work on some methods to counteract this. I think they call it discipline? I call it my least favorite part about my job, since I just want to be the cool, down-to-earth kind of teacher I always enjoyed back when I was a kid, but sometimes it's necessary. More on that as things develop.

I got my new job contract! (In case you don't know, everything starts in April here, school, new fiscal years, etc.) It's only tentative at this point, but it's looking good. I have five kids classes which I think is a good number, and some closer schools thanks to management acknowledging my requests. I'm leaving some students and classes and schools behind which is a strange feeling, as it's the first time I've really done something like this. It feels like a weird situation, between me and my students... We only have a student-teacher relationship, but I really want to know what will happen to the young guy who specializes in agriculture moving to the country who I've taught since I moved here, or how the 5-year-old who I just started giving private lessons to will get on in the future. I'm so stubborn about leaving things behind, and change and all that, which you wouldn't think considering where I live, but I am.

Took a trip with some friends to Kamakura on Monday. It was a great time, getting out of the city and seeing the ocean. Pics coming whenever I get off my lazy butt to upload em. (...or I guess that would be on my lazy butt, with a camera and USB cable in arms reach).

I was experiencing some chronic wrist pain when lifting so I bit the bullet and saw a doctor the other day. I was gonna go to a hospital but my friends in Japanese class convinced me that a Clinic was better. This bears some explaining: In Japan, almost any city/town will have several Kurinikku, where you can see a licensed General Practitioner who will take care of your needs on a more personal level than a hospital. The best part is that with my health insurance, I've been getting some crazy, acupuncture-point-style massages on my aching arm for real cheap, significantly better than the co-pay back home. I've even taken to chatting my doc in Japanese, since he mostly just knows medical terms and can speak only broken English. The best part was when I mentioned moving to Japan, the first thing he says something about toilets, using an onomatopoeia to the effect of zaaaa, with an exaggerated hand motion, exhibiting some kind of function that the high-tech toilets here have, which I have yet to uncover - lazer beams perhaps?
As far as Japanese toilets, they come in two styles here: medieval holes in the floor (see: the one right outside my room) and high tech models with buttons for everything from varied degrees of flushing to personal, shall I say, genitalia-washing sprays. Haven't tried that one yet myself. Or rather, I haven't been forced into a situation where I have to.........yet.

Speaking of sound-based words like my doc's "zaaaa," they love, utterly love using onomatopoeia in speech here, I'll do a full article on it some time. It's mind-blowing.

In band news, there's no real news. Sadly our new prospective drummer Ian had to back down due to an already over-slammed schedule. So we're drummerless once again, and I'm kind of bummed, but waiting patiently. We've got some ads up but no catches yet - if anyone knows a good, grind-style drummer in the Tokyo area, contact me, ok?

I know there are cool stories or things that have happened that I'm not recalling right now, and that's a shame. I should write more regularly, but I spend more of my free time now study-study-studying. I've got kind of a "maximum-output fever" going on, and want to keep it up for as long as possible. I spend my time drilling flashcards, practicing grammar and reading Japanese comics I understand 40-60% of, with varying success. Right now reading a lot of Gantz, Dragon Ball, Bobobo, One Piece.... I also have been reading yet more Lovecraft, he's got an addicting style with his vivid, spooky imagery. And watching the hilarious music-student based drama Nodame Cantalibre, hilarious!!! (Ashleigh, you would like this one)

No point in forcing it I suppose - more of my quasi-exciting life coming soon!


"Given to the rising." - Neurosis

"I'm walkin' and I'm talkin' and I'm tryin' and I'm lyin' but I just can't get through to you! Maybe I'd be better off talkin' to a wall, cuz you aren't makin' any sense at all!" - Cro-mags

"And it's strange, but they're all basically the same, so I don't ask names anymore." - Death Cab