Life happens fast

"If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it" - Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

It's unbelievable this decade is coming to a close. I'm in a state of utter doubt. It is simply beyond my comprehension as a human being. Ten years ago I was 13, had almost no friends and spent hours after school playing the same E-A-D-A riff on my guitar in hopes of getting better some day. Shortly thereafter I started my first band and had some memorable, lifetime experiences. Smoking weed for the first time on my 14th birthday was one of them. Playing my first live show at the now defunct "Rensselaer fest" with our foul-mouthed singer (who got us banned from ever playing again with his stunning barrage of F-bombs) and covering Pantera while two of our friends moshed in the parking lot, and many parents sighed, mine included. I could barely lift my head up at that time to face the audience...

And now here I am, on the other side of the world, and I sing dance and entertain groups big and small on an almost daily basis. I'm talking about teaching kindergarteners here, by the way, at least for the singing part. With the adults I more often try to coax THEM into the singing. But at any rate, what I want to say is I no longer fear the crowd; I no long fear a future without companionship, and I can walk with my head up proud of who I am. It's a big change, and to be sure the next decade will be full of them too.

A very busy December has arrived, but it's the good kind of busy. I'm wrapping up the most hectic work week I have, but 3 weeks from now I'll be in Chiang Mai, Thailand, sipping a cool beverage and enjoying exotic foods in a much more beautiful environment than concrete-crazy Tokyo, praying to not contract traveler's diarrhea. There are a lot of things to do before that, most especially taking the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) Level 1 which will be conducted 48 hours from now. I'm not really ready, but with a little luck and some educated guessing I might just swing a passing grade! Which would be cool. I could get a job at any old Japanese company if I a) had the supplemental qualifications, ones in demand like engineering or programming (yea right!) and b) if I wanted to change jobs. But I don't. I'm content with what I do, except that I strive to become better. Stronger. Faster.

That's where the Master's comes in. Still looking into which University to attend, and anyone who wants to drop me advice on this big decision is welcome, but I'm going for my Masters in TESL through an on-line program starting in the fall of next year. I'll be more qualified, possibly make more money, but most importantly learn to be a better teacher. Lord knows I have improved by leaps and bounds since 2008, so I can only get better from here on! Tentatively, I'm planning to enroll in the fall of 2010.

Oh, and by the way, next month, if you're in the San Fransisco or Los Angeles area, come say hi, my band is playing SHORT FAST AND LOUD Fest and a subsequent show with Capitalist Casualities the following Sunday:



In F.I.D. news, new CD is being recorded this month, along with final preparations for the big California trip next month. I could go into more details, but I'll save it for another time.

Back to the present: After this little landmark test is over, I'm done with formally studying Japanese. I've done it (and pretty hardcore at that) a smidgen over 4 years, and I need to invest time elsewhere. Where exactly? Well, I want to up my knowledge of philosophy, American Contemporary and Classic Literature and overall "well-readness." Oh, and I want to learn another language and be able to speak it reasonably well by the time I'm 30. No biggie. =P

I've heard the theory some people are attracted to big goals? I am most definitely one of them. Eerily true to my star sign, I like nothing better than a project/task/relationship which takes a long, steady time to build up and is one that I can feel good and proud of. Don't misunderstand, I also enjoy my fast-food-style-whopper-with-fries-give-it-to-me-faster-FASTER-NOW-style things, as any good 21st Century Boy with a fleeting attention span should, but none of these can ultimately satisfy in the same way. I forget where I read it, but a veritable slogan for the modern American identity is this: "we want it faster, right now, for cheaper, and with less effort on our part." This works great when you're hawking used electronics or automobiles, but as for personal gain and getting somewhere in life, it isn't a very sustainable work-model.

Still with me? I'm getting to the big point here! For 2010, or at least until I start college, I'll be undertaking my biggest New Years Resolution since not being a fat lazy inactive slob: THE BOOK A WEEK PROJECT, A.K.A. "The Reader The Better" (pronounced in the past tense like the color red + er) I've seen mentions of it and other people have done it and blogged about it, now it's my turn. It won't be so strict as it may sound, and I reserve the right to read 3 or 4 or 5 different things at once. Comics will be mentioned by won't really count. Audiobooks count. I'll blog what I've accomplished as I go, starting January 1st.... or 5th, since that's when I get back from Thailand. The best used bookstore in Tokyo, the Blue Parrot, is having a big sale next week so I'll pick up a ton of reading there. Also thinking about a Kindle next year.

The main purpose of this project isn't to hit the goal or exceed it or anything, just to give myself motivation to read more. I'm no speedreader either, I take my time and enjoy my books, so it'll be a hefty time investment which I am more than ready to make.

That's what's up!! My dork senses are tingling all over, and I'm looking forward to 2011, with it's 12 (er, 9) months of complete freedom to live, work, and read as I please. No more shackles in the shapes of Chinese characters, also not as crazy with extra part-time work (hopefully) and most definitely am not letting anyone else run my life but me.

It's 23 degrees in Tokyo today (around 80 for you Fahrenheitians), with gusty winds and almost two dozen train delays. This is a sign of things to come.

Happy Holidays!
Ben Belcher

P.S.

A taste: Currently in the process of reading:

Audiobooks:
Shelly Kagan's "Death" - philosophy course from Yale Univeristy
Bertrand Russel - A History of Western Philosophy (made it past antiquity and to the part about the Papacy, and while history isn't my best subject and makes it hard to follow at times, it's still really fascinating and interesting stuff!)

Books:
Frank Herbert - Dune

Comics:
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - Volume 2
ジョジョの奇妙な冒険４２巻 JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, volume 42 (in the middle of Part 4 of one of the most epic Shonen Jump series ever released!)

It will be mine

I know I've thought countless times in the last week "hey I could blog about this." Sadly my flux of ideas doesn't correlate to the time I leisurely sit in front of my computer typing up entries, so I'm sure much has been lost. I am only human after all.

As for how I think and do things, I've been schooled on my own high-rises and gutter-balls, and it boils down to a simple idea: I'm creative and great at coming up with ideas, but I'm not so great at organizing and executing them. This isn't to say I'm incapable of the latter, but it doesn't flow as freely as the former does by any stretch of the imagination. It comes out in almost everything I do: my erratic yet dutiful studies; my haphazard but relatively effective speaking style in Japanese; my teaching method of the same cloth; my admittedly random, somewhat sloppy but unique(?) take on playing guitar, and so on. Even here, where I post on an unpredictable timetable and a kind of "when the spirit moves me" mentality. And my posts are equally as disorganized as every fiber of my being, as they reflect my thoughts. It's the kind of thing that you don't realize about yourself until somewhat steps up and calls you out on your eccentricities, because you are always too close to yourself to have any perspective or know better. It takes others for me to step back a minute and realize what I'm doing, and I'm glad they do - I'm still trying to figure me out.

At any rate, I blame too much creative learning and my lackluster abilities in Math- and Science-related curriculum. Curse you post-hippy, free-thinking education system!!!

I bought a new guitar today! But why the sudden urge? Another backwards explanation is in order: the weather was so beautiful yesterday (Sunday) that even a nasty hangover couldn't keep me down. In fact in a somewhat sloth-like state, the whole outside world teeming with new life, I swam in sunbeams that semed a surreal paradise which time had forgotten. I looked at the stone bench on the gorgeous verdure-covered walking path near my apartment and thought how I'd love to sit in the shade and play an acoustic guitar in this perfect weather. (before summer comes and turns this whole damned city into a sticky and miserable jungle) I have an acoustic guitar back in the states, but due to obvious spacial constraints refrained from bringing it with me on any journey nigh on 7000 miles. It's a decent guitar, but it's slightly warped from slight misuse and always sounds slightly out of tune anywhere above the 7th fret. So I left the old girl behind, and the mild longing for a new one has been itching at my gut for quite some time. Itch relieved. I'll post a picture? Naa, I'll never get around to it, who am I kidding. It's a 30-year old Humming Bird in amazing condition with only a few scratches that I got in Ochanomizu from a used guitar store for under 20,000 yen (around $200). What a steal!!!! I'd heard that there were amazing finds to be made there, but holy crapoly. One look at that baby and it was like the scene with the Stratocaster in Wayne's World, minus any Stairway to Heaven. I tried only one guitar, and bought it 5 minutes later. No regrets here, my apartment is a much happier place now.

--

I wrote all of the above about 3 days ago (not going to to try and blend it seamlessly together, no point) but knew I didn't have a complete entry. Here goes le finish:

March is crawling to an end, the cherry blossoms are just starting to peak out in places, and there couldn't be a more appropriate time of year to be reading "Hokkaido Hitchhiking Blues." It's a solid travel book, and enlightening on Japan. I recommend it.

Lately I've been thinking of humanity's frightfully minor status in the universe at large, or to quote H.P. Lovecraft: "terrifying vistas of reality, and our frightful position therein." I think it's a combination of being heavy into this Moby Dick audiobook - a lot of philosophizing, sea-is-great-we-are-small kind of stuff, not to mention biblical sh*t goes down in it - and it being spring time. The world spins on and her seasons roll by and we are merely lucky to experience them by circumstance; it isn't like we help cause them, and if anything we pollute them with our humanity. Silly humans. But being one I can't really knock them- er, us so hard.

I've got a lot of real world stuff to do: Taxes, fleshing out Golden Week plans with my Mom coming to Japan, studying super hard for level N1 JLPT in December (and level n2 for kicks in July). As for the n1 test, I'm banking on surpassing a 50% score. The minimum pass is 70%, and maybe if I didn't have to work I could study enough to get that in a year, but it's doubtful. It's a huge leap in difficulty, and a pass = fluency (on paper), so it's no small task. No, my real goal is to pass this almighty personal benchmark by 2011, which would mean I've "mastered" the Japanese language in about 5 years. Then I'd be able to shift my attention to the true pandora's box (and possible money-maker), Chinese!!!

How I wish I had a better grasp of where I was going with my life sometimes. Things are good now, but they can't stay this way forever. Changes have to be made eventually, but it's a "maybe next year" scenario. Every year?? Hrrmmmmm who's got a time machine I can borrow? Some Back-to-the-Future 2 style action is in order... minus the Biff.

Concerning Golden Week, after much hotel-hunting I've managed to string it together: Two days in Hiroshima, one on the mainland and one on the gorgeous, deer-infested island of Miyajima. Followed by a day in the famous port-town of Kobe, then a visit to my metal brethren Hiro's family's home in the beautiful Aichi countryside (a.k.a. middle-of-nowhere Japan), and two days to split between Nara and Kyoto, both former capital's of Japan. back in the dizzay. Before and after that me and my Mom will be doing stuff around Tokyo too, although it's really hard to decide what to the put time into exactly. Got to hit the major stuff anyway, although I secretly long to emulate Mr. Ferguson's aforementioned travel book, purposefully skipping all big cities and seeing more of the real, quaint, reflections-of-the-old-world Japan.

At times I feel like living in Tokyo is psuedo- neo-Japan (which it is). I'm not saying I want tabi (split-toe) sandals and samurai's impaling themselves in the name of honor, just more ricefields and less people who aspire to conquer the world via computer chips, or who want to speak English because it's a business language. Gah. English is such a beautiful, artistic, arbitrary language that to learn it simply for business purposes (without scraping the surface, feeling it or looking into the how and whys, laughing at the gross inconsistencies or punny possibilities) is sadly missing the point in my opinion. Although I would have to say the same for Japanese.... and probably most languages now that I think about it, if I had any right to say that or anything at all about them.

Ramblings. If you want funny pictures of stuff with more wit and less personal drivel, check out my buddy Steve's semi-famous Tokyo Damage blog on the right side of your screen. Good stuff, and he's a solid dude as well with good taste in music.

F.I.D. shows coming THIS SUMMER IN TOKYO! The new jams are off the hook yo. We have a song about "Babies in China, Metaphysics and Men on the Moon." And one called "Mixed Fries."

Until I ramble again, cyberspacians.

"Remember when you said that things would never change / You liar / Because these days things in my life, they don't stay the same / You changer" - Small Brown Bike

Using colors to describe sounds?

Hey all. It's been busy times, per usual. I have upped my Japanese classes to 3 sessions a week, 2 hours each, 2 of which are on my working days, and have formally began studying for the level 1 JLPT. It will be another long hard road to follow, but nothing that's worth doing is ever easily accomplished. I could complain about how difficult the grammar is or how the test is even difficult for Japanese people, but I am determined to make this happen, so it will happen. Here's the battle strategy: Study hard, take the test in December with hopes of breaking 50% (minimum pass is 70%), take it again in July of 2011 with hopes of passing. As my teachers have informed me, there are many students (especially Chinese, due to the similarities of the written language) who pass the test but can barely speak at all. So I am trying to better my Japanese all around: reading, writing, speaking and listening. If I'm not getting better at Japanese, why the heck would I live in Japan? This seems obvious to me but is of course not the case for everyone. Sometimes (or perhaps I should say often) Japanese people ask me why I bother to learn the language, since it's not the global business language that English is. My answer is two-fold: I live here and it's important to know/understand the world around you; Also there aren't comic books and novels I want to read in any other particular language at the moment.

On that note, I've been sort of/kind of seeing a girl recently, and I found out she also owns and has read all of One Piece. That's a good sign!

Aside from languages and women, I have been sketching out my upcoming Golden Week vacation (a series of holidays in late April/early May in Japan, reminiscent of Spring Break in America). My Mom is coming to Japan for the first time, so we have some sites to say. Those will include (but not be limited to) Asakusa, Ginza, Shinjuku, Shibuya, Hiroshima, Gifu, Miyajima, Nagoya, Kyoto and maybe Kobe. It's going to be dumb crowded everywhere, but luckily my bro Hiro (from the awesome band Disconformity) has offered to hole up me and my Mother for a day in the midst of the madness, so that should be a nice escape from the masses. The better, cheaper places are already booked solid for Golden Week (especially in Kyoto) so I'm scouring the internet for reservations now. It will be a fun time, however I must remember not to overbook allow plenty of time to do things and enjoy them, as it's been my habit in the past to cram too much into one small vacation.

I'm almost finished with Haruki Murakami's "Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World." I've heard from numerous (mostly Japanese) fans that this is his best work. About 20 years old, the translation is not the best - especially compared with the scholarly works of Jay Rubin on "Wind-up Bird Chronicle - but I am enjoying it quite a lot anyhow. It's very, well, weird, surreal and over the top, with intriguing characters. A.K.A. Murakami's style.

This post does not feel exciting to me. I'm falling asleep writing it! I had better ideas yesterday, I swear, but no time to write them down. Grr....

F.I.D. is doing quite well, trudging along throug the somewhat tedious but beautiful process of songwriting. Much like bloodletting.

The weather has been turning to Spring, and February isn't even over yet.

I'm going to see another 20 year old legendary but relatively unknown Japanese metal band this weekend, Cocobats (Thanks to Rennie!). I'm working all weekend, so I consider this the definite highlight. OH, how about last weekend, I can talk about that! (you can tell I put loads of planning into this)

Last weekend I went to see Slight Slappers after band practice and working out. I was really exhausted, and just coming off the end of a stupid-busy week, so I wasn't really feeling the atmosphere; but I had traveled to Waseda (famous college town) and was determined to see this most excellent powerviolence band. From the moment I walked in the venue I knew just being there pissed me off: It was a total crustfest. By crusts, I mean dirty kids who call themselves punks but really they come from well-off families and wear dirty clothes and never shower. Add to this the venue having poor ventilation, no re-entry, being smoky as shit from the beginning and everybody drunk off there ass - well, it would sound like a pretty great time to some people. Maybe even me, but not at that time, I wasn't feeling it. So I watched the first band, Baddirtyhate from Osaka. Typical, by the numbers boring crusty punk. Well executed, but absolutely nothing exciting about them. Next was another band in the same vein, NK6: Shitty, blown out guitar sound, boring and predictable song-writing. At least the singer was kind of funny and had a bit of a weird voice, but otherwise, absolutely nothing special. I literally sat in a dark corner of the venue reading my book, hating all the stupidity around me - "Aren't there ANY other musicians in theis place who see how atrocious this crap is" I thought - not wanting to be there but having paid my money and knowing that Slight Slappers would be good, I stuck around. Also there was no re-entry, and bear in mind the place was packed, stupid packed. I was lucky that they let me stow my guitar and bag from band practice in the band "room" (closet in the corner with no door) without asking any questions.

So finally it came: two guitars with *gasp* coherent, crisp and fierce guitar tones could be heard warming up. And a man with a black stocking enclosing his face emerges from the crowd, takes the mic and says: "WE ARE SLIGHT SLAPPAAAASSS" I was foolish to think I could stay in the back, it made me smile and reminded me that there are good bands out there still, all is not lost. Powerviolence is a genre typified by really fast short songs, and wild showmanship, similar to grind but less technical, I think (someone correct me if I'm wrong here). There was insane dancing on the stage, guitars thrown and rubbed against the floor, the speakers, the drums, and guess what? It was all immaculately executed. I managed to bash my knee against a speaker cab and bruise up the side of my hand real good, but you know what? Despite limping home, I felt so much better after that set. Like I was really alive, and had just witnessed something amazing in the way of intense musical performances. I should mention this band has been doing there thing since 1992. So crazy they're still around, I feel lucky to have seen them.

Another mediocre (but slightly better) punk band called Gauze played afterwards. I know people like these bands, and maybe I'm just not so into punk, but I really can't understand the appeal. The musicianship and song-writing just isn't there for me. So I watched drunk people stagedive like mad from the doorway and left after that. And that was my night in general.

Life is looking up, I gotta say. I will see many more excellent live performances this year than I did last year, no question! Altough I'm skipping Isis and Baroness next weekend. 6000 yen, REALLY?? That's a $15 show where I come from buddy, I ain't paying $65.

Hooray for Cocobats.

P.S. I feel like things are changing. Let's throw caution to the wind and haphazardly begin chapter 9. OK!!!


"The thoughts of anyone but you never crossed the landmines in your mind. You're just pretending to be naive, you can't really believe that this is about you. YouyouyouyouYOU." - Blacklisted

"I'm crazy and I'm hurt, head on my shoulders, it's going berzerk" - Black Flag

"These roads don't move, you're the one who moves" - Ben Gibbard & Jay Farrar

"No one else will break the walls that are in your mind" - Ignite

Bilingual Baka Band

note: baka is Japanese for idiot

Today I'll be writing about something that separates my Japanese experience from others: the band. I've done perhaps 5 or 6 bands in the last 10 years, each one carrying different dynamics of personality, interaction and chemistry between the members, ultimately leading to what kind of sound we were able to create. Nothing however could have prepared me for F.I.D., as it has been the greatest collaboration I've had the pleasure to take part in, but at the same time requires the most care, hard work and even multicultural awareness!

(This is starting to sound like a bad PBS special or VH1 documentary, but it gets better I promise.)

I can only repeat myself so many times, but for any random or new readers I joined F.I.D. late 2008, shortly after coming to Japan. The band was originally an all female grindcore act, but they were willing to sacrifice their novelty (which was never their aim in the first place) to get some fresh blood into the equation. Their had a falling out of sorts with the last guitarist, and I filled the gap. Since then it has been a steady uphill climb from 9 months of practicing to old MDs (digital recordings) with no drummer, due to Tomoko's pregnancy, all the way to our recent shows and finally now our writing new songs. It has been a wild ride and I feel like it's still in the early stages. We have all become good friends and there are no egos raging out of control and ruining the creative flow, as has been known to happen amongst bands in the past (firsthand experiences here). I personally have always gotten on well with girls as they tend to be less competitive and self-absorbed than most guys I've met in my life. And they are after all Japanese no less, but attitudes take it beyond all that gender and ethnicity stuff: These girls are in it for the right reasons, namely to write music, play it and have fun. That is first and foremost I love this band.

But it's not all ice cream cupcakes and puppy dogs in the park; Nothing worth doing is easy after all. Anyone who has been in a band knows that to practice every weekend is a lot harder than it sounds, not to mention other sacrifices of free time, energy and finances that come into play. Me and the drummer both travel about an hour to practice every Sunday - carrying our instruments on the subway, which for me took some getting used to but I do like it better than lugging stacks of speakers in my jeep..... though I miss my 5150 and mesa-boogie pre-amp combos!!! Sigh.

And then there is language. Oh what fun it is to interact with people from other cultures, but what a challenge it can be as well. The majority of our dialogues are all in Japanese, and the singer Makiko is the only one who speaks English at a nearly fluent level, hence some things going over my head, some misunderstandings, etc. (not to mention countless times I have to ask Maki to explain what the hell everyone is talking about) If I had a yen coin for every time I wanted to say something simple like: "Ok stop here, then put it some kind of fill, whatever you feel fits and then we will all come back in together for 3 measures until the wawowaw part," but was stopped dead in my tracks by a language barrier, I would have lots and lots of little yens. Granted my Japanese is decent, so I try my best to convey these in my second language, but it's tough and can also (if not often) be difficult to communicate sometimes even the simplest of things. I do greatly enjoy it on the whole, and we definitely make it through, things just take longer.

This segues nicely into another cultural point: Japanese people tend to speak in a vague and roundabout manner and as such are often typified (and not without reason) as indecisive by Western people. I've had my share of Japanese cultural experiences just living here - memories of prolonged conversations to achieve the simplest ends at the bank or the post office come to mind - but nothing compares to the band dynamics. The main difference between this band and my experiences in America is that everything is considered thoroughly before it's acted upon. For example, if I say: "We should speed up that part, what do you think?" It may result in a 5-10 minute debate before we actually just play the part and see how it sounds. While this isn't inherently bad - putting thought into things instead of charging pell-mell into them has merits - it doesn't exactly make for the timeliest song writing. I often find myself (and to be fair sometimes my bandmates are the ones to say it too) saying yattemiyo (let's try it and see). I feel the need to throw around my hasty and arrogant American bluntness at times, while others I flow with the girls in a more Japanese state of mind pertaining to caution, detail and delivery. A mix of both has a lot of virtue I think.

I have to say, it is entirely too cute when Tomoko - who on the surface appears to be the sweetest, most innocent and harmless looking lady you could ever meet - and us are discussing a song, and something comes up like: "you can put a quick fill in there before the next part!" She will sit there and ponder, drum stick or hand lightly touching the chin in a thoughtful manner before blasting out something completely amazing. Kana as well, sometimes a bit fuzzy from doing other band practices, a brutal 6 day work week full of overtime or a late-night drinking party will always put in 110%. She is a bit more tom-boyish, often using the pronoun boku to refer to herself, which is something only tomboys and musicians do and I think is individualistic and also very cute (Japanese are good at the cute thing). She is so much the opposite of Tomoko's seemingly traditional sense of self that it makes for interesting times and great writing. Case in point: Tomoko wasn't 100% after not playing drums for like a year (and who would be after a pregnancy, that's some hardcore stuff!) and I said one day something along the lines of: "Hey, your drumming skills are really coming back eh!" Which doesn't sound so bad in English but was much MUCH too direct and rude in Japanese, to which Kanako said dare omae? (Who the hell do you think you are?) And we all burst out laughing. In fact we have fun interactions like this quite often, and it helps to keep things fresh and interesting when playing a song for the 20th time in one day wears us down.

In closing, let it be known I am in a band with some very talented people and am far luckier than I deserve in that respect. I know I am not a great guitar player, however I am confident in my ability to construct good songs and churn out somewhat original or unexpected ideas. This goes a long way and will ultimately make F.I.D. a stronger band with broader horizons than before, while still maintaining the intensity that it has come to be associated with in the underground music arena.

Whatsoever it comes to in the future - playing shows in Tokyo, recording, possibly even traveling abroad to play a festival or 2 - I am having too much fun to stop any time soon. And I believe the girls feel the same. That is we work our hardest to achieve BBB - Bilingual Baka Band!!


"She she she she's a bombshell" - Operation Ivy

"So you're saying that girls only listen to ballads and love songs? The girls that I know wouldn't think so. But according to you a song should separate all the girls from the boys" - Polar Bear Club

Cats and Dogs, LIVING TOGETHER.

In reflection, the last few posts have all been a bit on the serious side. While I am a pretty serious guy, I also have a sense of humor, so here is an amalgamation of recent life events, ancient history, future goals, show write-ups and a look into my eccentric psyche. Without further ado:

The dreaded JLPT2 test being behind me for now (results to come mid-February, what a wait!) I have been enjoying a slightly more relaxing lifestyle than in previous months to say the least. Since I've gotten back home I've caught up on a few movies (Paranormal Activity and Up in the Air both surpassed my expectations), a lot of Bukowski as previously noted (you're right Nick, he does get repetitive but man he's good) and even some gaming time. Gaming is something I did so much between the ages of 3-12, and 19-23, that is hard to believe I've abandoned it so. Blame it on childhood and then later on smoking too much weed (respectively in THAT order) if you like, but I love games. I still do, I merely don't have time for them!

What did I do from ages 13-18? Learned guitar, bands, girlfriends, attempted to make friends and fit in. And was still an angsty teen, oh yes I was. Angsty and out there, I used to never talk to anybody in Junior High School! I just walked around school wearing my headphones constantly and listening to Nothingface, Section 8, Candiria and Skinless. Those were some times, and of course High School I made some great friends - some not so great - and even had a bit too much fun sometimes.

I skipped High School English 12 times in my senior year due to my teacher being quite monotone and my being somewhat rebellious. Pretty ironic when you think about the fact that I became an English teacher 5 years later! Yes I know what you're thinking: "that's great Alanis, get on with something more interesting!" Well how about the fact that he let me by on an extra credit reading of Franz Kafka's "The Metamorphosis?" My life will never be the same.

All tangents aside the main point being what I meant to say was in all honesty i don't think i could put it any clearer than that is to say........ I now don't incorporate much time for games, unless I'm really tired or feeling unable to be productive in any way. So playing Half Life 2 for the first time on my 360 is a nice break from reality. Bang bang, pow pow, none of that lame "Gears of War" duck-and-cover crud everybody rants and raves about. Just a good ol' run-around-shoot-solve-puzzles-enjoy-the-ride-style game. And Portal is quite excellent as well.

My New Years Resolutions? To pass the JLPT1 in December (ain't that a lark!), to lose this wretched gut of mine and turn it into pure muscle once and for all (making progress!) and finally to play guitar more. I've been slacking a bit these days, only playing at practices or at shows and that's not going to cut any sort of mustard whatsover- brown, yellow, spicy dijon, etc. If I want to write the best tunes possible with F.I.D., I have got to push myself harder and work more as a guitarist. This is a bit hard with work, Japanese and making sure I squeeze in fun time and travel, but I will manage it. I'm going to the country on Sunday this weekend, Okutama to be exact, google it if you want to know what it looks like. Mountains and rivers and all that fun stuff this concrete block-city doesn't offer me.

Shows!! Played two last weekend. I wasn't on my best game but oh man, they were fun! Highlights include CxPxSx singer diving headfirst into a garbage can! They are easily my current favorite band to see in Tokyo, next to Kurupino - she didn't even have the electronics setup when I saw her play! Only one tom, a cymbal, a frog-puppet, plastic implements *ahem*, a drumstick, a mic and an S&M whip. Quality! Anyhow that was about the highlight of Tuesday night, besides some 80s-new wave, a thrash metal band and Visual K (Japanese slang basically meaning new-school hair metal) band named Sex-Virgin Killers, who were all good at what they did. It was pretty sweet.

Flash/rewind to Sunday. Biggest show I'd played in a long time, maybe 200+ heads, big stage, big backstage, lots of drunkenness, crusties (dirty punkers), mohawks, leather-studded jackets, old-time punkers noisecore bands and then F.I.D. somewhere in the middle of it all. The bassist of the Wanky's, a punker band of drunken debauchery from the U.K. graciously invited us on the bill, and although we stuck out - being "grind" and not noise or old-school punk like the rest of the bill - it wasn't a bad thing. DSB (Drunken Shit Bastards) and Struggle For Pride were band that stuck out as really good.

Anyway, I was quite nervous about playing at first. The girls insisted I give some kind of introduction speech, and I obliged - certainly no one ever wanted me near the mic during any of my previous band stints. By the way I've been laying down a few vocals live here or there, at the risk of further tarnishing a once all-female grindcore band no less.

(In case you're a new reader or just need a reminder, Flagitious Idiosyncracy in the Dilapitation is what I'm talking about.)

Sunday:

「このバンドはぜんぶ女の人でも俺は女の人らしいじゃないけど。。。ファクユウアアアル！」
"This band is all women but it appears that I am not a woman... *obscenity* YOU ALL!!!"

My intro speech from Tuesday is also worth mentioning. In an overly cutesy-voice (except for the last bit I said:

「あのね。。。はじめまして、べんです、よろしくな！GO TO HELL!!!」
Umm, I'm Ben, nice to meet you all. GO TO HELL!!!!

The need to break the tension a bit was obvious, I seemed to have their respect but I looked scary enough normally, let alone shredding and losing it with a large blunt instrument in my hands. As we initially set up I definitely heard choruses of マジっすか？ (seriously??) at both shows, most likely referring to the giant white guy with the three Japanese bandmates. There were however a lot of people who seemed to dig us at this bigger show, and a line of 6 or 7 faithful metalheads in the front, holding their beercans like majestic chalices, headbanging and continually offering me and Makiko drinks. I swiped one, chugged it and tossed it back out in an attempt to be all crazy and whatnot. I sweat and shredded my hardest - could have been tighter but the energy was there. People complimented us on it and we moved a few units, and when all was said and done I (we) had an awesome time.

Perhaps the strangest bit of all this was that the original guitarist showed up to the Sunday gig. (!!!) This is the woman who wrote most of the stuff I'm now playing, and as it so happened it was the first time I'd ever met her. It was kind of like being on a date and meeting your girl's ex-boyfriend, like: "oh hey you used to be all up in this but now she's mine. Sorry?" Without going overtly into detail perhaps it was awkward at best. We'll be changing over our set to quite a few newer tunes in the future anyhow, although she did write some good tunes!

I'll leave you with that. Work in the morning. You stay classy San Diego!

"He's a Buddhist, Christian, paramedic, vegan, straight edge pimp but most of all... Big. He's big" - Horse the Band

"There's not much chance for survival if the neon bible is right" - Arcade Fire

"I've got it all.......most." - Modest Mouse

P.S. Started yet another blog on account of I've been inspired to start writing again. I mean writing stuff besides this journal: "Benjamin L. Belcher's Poetry and Prose." Riveting name, I know. Check it if you like.

F.I.D.

"Nightflesh," the first song me and the band created together (along with my good friend Ian who helped formulate this little ditty) being performed live for the first time ever at Studio UEN, Nishi-Ogikubo. Big thanks to bands and friends who supported the show, if only this was every weekend:




Tokyo people: January 17th, Shindaita @ Shindaita fever, crazy show with a lot of awesome bands, mine included. Come out, say hi, admit to lurking on my blog when you're bored and hang out!


10.01.17 (Sun) DESTROY, DESTROY!! Presents "THE WANKYS JAPAN TOUR 2010 with CHAOS CHANNEL"

OPEN 15:30 / START 16:00
ADV ￥2500 (+1drink) / DOOR ￥2800 (+1drink)

The WANKYS / CHAOS CHANNEL / LAUGHIN NOSE / SYSTEMATIC DEATH / F.I.D / ABRAHAM CROSS / STRUGGLE FOR PRIDE / STAGNATION / D.S.B / TOM AND BOOT BOYS

http://www.fever-popo.com/schedule/2010/01/17/

Into the void

You ever seen the movie Spaceballs? The part where Rick Moranis (a.k.a. Darth Helmet) says "Light Speed is too slow." And they crank this switch from light speed, to ridiculous speed, to ludicrous speed. That's how I feel right now. There shouldn't be stars flying by me at all angles, there should be streaks of plaid to do justice to the absurdity of the world around me.

People talk about the love/hate cycle expatriates experience in foreign countries. I've talked about this before, but I swear some switch in my brain is flipping between love and hate and it's gradually built up to the point of happening several times a day:

I love Japan.
I hate Japan.
I think Japanese people are cute and adorable.
I want to throw said people out of the nearest window because of their overwhelming indirectness and insincere politeness.
I love your Osaka-sense of humor.
Unless I have a piece of broccoli the size of Utah sticking out of my teeth, you have no good reason to stare so hard at me.
Your food is delicious and most of your women aren't obese here, awesome!
Texting and riding a bicycle while holding an umbrella with your two children while none of you wear helmets on a busy street might just be a teeny weeny tiny bit STUPID don't you think?

And so on.

This is all do to the insanity I willingly put myself into, and I love it. Keeps things interesting. Speaking of insanity, first show with the band/first show in Tokyo happened last Sunday. I know I haven't posted pictures here in ages, but I'm on my last legs tonight and don't feel like sorting through them and posting them. They'll be on the band site soon enough, and let's just say they are pretty righteous. I got to see grindcore legend Kurupino with her frog-puppet doing a solo S&M-style set with only a tom drum, a symbol and a mic stand. You really had to be there. Million Dollar Boys are also the best Tokyo band you never heard of, and the co-headlining band almost stole the show from us... well, they did in terms of streaking and ridiculousness anyway. CxPxSx donned their masks, make-up, underwear and little else and played a lewd set in the vein of "bad luck 13 riot extravaganza." I saw the soundguy grab the singer by the throat after he started hanging off of the lighting equipment, other than that it was just a lot of good clean fun.... well, as clean as it can get with a bunch of crazy Japanese grind-heads taking off their clothes and running into people while playing their instruments. One of my students even came out to see my band (the one I saw play in Shibuya last weekend) and he said the set was "pretty awesome."

All in all it was 大成功 "Daiseiko" - a great success. My fingers felt stiff at first but after the first few songs I knew the energy and high of the live show once again, such as I hadn't experienced for over a year... and what an addiction it is. I couldn't have pictured it going much better, except that my guitar got knocked out of tune for a bit. Might consider changing string brand/type, or going back to using 7-string sets on a 6 string guitar (since I play in B anyway).

The next day I took 4 hours of Japanese lessons (cramming my groups and privates together because I was busy with job training later in the week), which as you can imagine is pretty tiresome. I feel good though, and ready to put to kick this stupid test in the ass and bury it in the past. I'm obsessing about it way too much, I know, but as of writing this it's only about 60 hours away!! I should be studying right now... which is what I will go to, but first...

I taught my private students after class and doing some serious xmas shopping for my friends back home, and got this really cool, giant, most likely genetically-modified apple from Fukushima (north of Tokyo), along with a Fukushima-specific Chopper keychain. Pretty cool. I also discovered - since these ladies are completely Dog/Disney-obsessed - that Lady and the tramp is called ワンワンの物語 "wan wan no monogatari" in Japanese, the literal equivalent of "The Bark Bark story." Who knew?

Now I really have to hit the kanji book. Until I go to bed. I'm not even bringing my D.S. with me on the train until this thing is over with. Now if only I could pry myself away from this laptop!! Make it 3 days from now already!

Oh, and thanks to the people who responded to the last post, I really appreciate your feedback!


"I am extraordinary, I am I am" - Blacklisted

"We've all been tricked into loving some fool, not a person alive who hasn't wasted time" - End of a Year

What can you see from your window?

Every week when I work in Shinjuku, I find it fills me with a certain kind of rage. I spend the day by going to Iidabashi for my 2 hour Japanese lesson, and follow that up by going directly to work. A full day, which leaves me satisfied but somewhat fatigued. And the masses, inside and out, do something to the natural state of the human mind. The people's mentalities and the general coldness to everyone they don't know in this kind of big city really strikes a darkness of the heart I'd never experienced before my time in Japan.

I can't assume whoever is reading this knows anything about these places, so allow me to explain: Shinjuku is home to the busiest train station in the world, and a veritable center of the megalopolis known as Tokyo. It's busy, always. Walking through there means becoming part of a mess of people moving in every conceivable direction; pure organized chaos. When I get off work nigh on 9:30, the drunken businessmen vibe is in full effect as well. And it all just piles up. Perhaps listening to grind metal isn't helping the situation, but it feels so appropriate to the madness hidden behind the neon beauty of the city.

Suffice it to say living as close as I do to any city feels like a temporary thing. It couldn't last, it would drive anyone with a soul crazy, I think.

...that's a dark start isn't it? Kind of prose-y though. My attempt at a description of the feeling of walking through the streets of Shinjuku, even if it only happens 2 or 3 times a week, thank god. It feels like a little piece of my soul is stripped away every time I cross those anonymous masses, being scratched and clawed at by the empty aura of the stone metropolis, struggling to-

Yea that's enough of that.

**

Last Sunday was one of the best days I've had in a while. I did the following things:

11-1pm. Listening practice test for the upcoming JLPT (11 DAYS AWAY) with a nice Spanish girl named Lydia. Got a 50%, which is around my average. Hey, listening to Japanese is tough! Thankfully this is a smaller portion of the overall test grade than the other parts I do better at.

1-4. Special 3 hour band practice, busted ass to get there on time (through the dark torrents of Shinjuku once again) Fun practice, they always are. Laughed and wrote and played and replayed and corrected and played again and felt exhausted and poured it all into the instrument. Yea.

5-7. Did the language exchange thing with Kana (friend/bassist) and did surprisingly well with Japanese grammar points. I can feel the pieces falling into place.

8ish. Arrived in Shibuya - the trendiest, most over-glorified crowded sack of amorphous blobs of people (which deserves its own post) I've ever seen - went to see my student Toshi's band play. He had given me a free ticket so I thought what the hell, it'd be rude not to go! I was pretty wrecked at this point, but managed to find the venue which I realized I had visited last year. Despite this, It is a bit of a tuck away building on an imaginary "street," above a Harley Davidson shop on a seedy-looking corner.

I had timed it to come just in time for Toshi's band, the "Super Sonic Monkeys," since I knew it would be an all day fest of amateur bands which I could not sit through. Although when I arrived, the act finishing up was quite entertaining. Some lady in her 40s/50s in go-go boots and white vinyl doing a ridiculous dance alongside to a male-backed ensemble of beardless ZZ TOP wannabes in trench coats and Leapord jackets with a fairly cute Japanese girl as a singer. The guitarists were doing all kinds of lewd rock moves. There was a saxophonist too, but everything jumbled together and didn't sound particularly good. Visually 10/10, musically 4/10. Wish I had my camera for that one!

Super Sonic Monkeys were pretty good for a band that does popular covers. The did the whole guitarist/bassist harmony thing quite well, covering Blink 182 and Green Day and the like. They even had a fan club, a gaggle of girls which I thought was pretty amusing. Am I playing the wrong kind of music? (don't answer that)

After the show the whole group - groupies, friends, band and myself - went to an Izakaya (Japanese-style restaurant/bar) they had reserved. Really brilliant, as them there U.K. people like to say. I had a lot of fun. And besides meeting some new friends - who said they want to "go go to Ben's Live!" - I realized that my Japanese hasn't improved at all.

It has TRANSCENDED.

I have had my head buried so deep in difficult everything that I didn't even realize my comprehension of daily conversation (and ability to communicate) has soared since the last time I'd attended this kind of social event with a bunch of Japanese people, maybe a few months prior. I communicated smoothly with several people almost no problem. It felt good. I can't do the whole night justice, let me just finish with saying it was fun.

The next day I took a much needed rest, studied and watched Apocalypse Now! for the first time. The Redux version in fact, over 3 hours long. Heck of a movie, I like the specks of Lord Jim and Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad that the director mixed in with a Vietnam-themed war movie. And I find myself saying "the horror... the HORROR" whenever the opportunity arises.

**

One more thing. This English teaching shtick. I realized in college that the beauty of studying English - despite its lacking somewhat in the practicality department, at least in my case and in the States - was that a good command of language can be universally applied to almost any field. If you are well spoken, or well written, this bleeds into so many different careers and facets of human life. My job now, it's not glamorous, it can be redundant, but I'm always working with real people. Talking with people one inevitably forms connections with them, of interest, curiosity, disdain, friendship, warmth, familiarity, etc. etc. I am able to learn so much from them, it has become an enduring strategy of mine to find something interesting in even the most ordinary or seemingly-dull persona. I can learn about Japan, or the culture, or get an unfair look at what this person's life is like while at the same time doing what I do very effectively. It is in fact my job to ask questions that border on personally intrusive ("Do you live alone?" is listed as an opening discussion question in certain books). The empowerment of it all gets some people drunk, I think. I want to believe I take full advantage of this position by gleaning what I can, while of course doing my job to the utmost of my ability and helping those who truly want to improve. Not everyone takes this kind of job that seriously, but I can't help it. I'm an all or nothing type. If I don't give a shit, I don't give a shit, but if I care at all, it's like I yanked the cork out of the Hooker Dam once I get involved. So I put my heart into it, and sometimes I get really amazing, intangible things back.

Or the occasional - but slowly becoming weekly - bag of delicious potato-salad bread, raisin loaf and other sundry bakery items from Junko. You are like my provisional Japanese Mom, THANK YOU ALTHOUGH YOU WILL NEVER READ THIS.

This clunkily segues into my last bit, the title. It comes from one sleepy new student's attempt to be creative today. In response to "Ask about my apartment," she asked me: "What can you see from your window?" I said I can see snoopy and woodstock in a window from my window, and several other buildings, but that's pretty much it. However, in the cogs of this thing we call a brain, this question struck me as so deep, so unintentionally profound and deep. How much does my viewpoint control my perspective? Where does the vision stop and the imagination begin?

What can you see from your window?

Nothing to say? Say it anyway!

I greatly enjoy sitting in my underwear and participating in solitary activities (studying, reading wikipedia, listening to music) in my one room apartment. The walls are scaly and paper-thin, but I have do have two windows. And although the sun-absorption turns it into an oven in the summer, it provides me with some great "natural heating" when it starts to get cold, like right now. I'm looking at my "business jacket," and it's got more wrinkles than a part time eldery bag-lady at the local grocery store, but ya know what? I think I'll wear it to work today anyway. I never cared much for outer appearances.

I spent 5 hours studying, reading, and also did some song-writing trying to bang out another F.I.D. number today. Our time is limited - not that it ever wasn't - but as usual I'm being far too hard on myself, wondering if this riff fits the style, or is congruent enough, or will please old fans. This is something entirely new for me: Writing music for a band that has a fanbase. I'm doing my best, and the girls like it, and it's a departure from the first CD for sure, but I feel like in essence (and with 3/4 the same members, even though the old guitarist spear-headed most of the material) it's the same band. I can't wait to play a live show again, it's one of those addictions I can never quit. A kind of elation no drug can give, girls can't do it either, although their kind of elation is nice too.

And, to finish, I'm realizing how lucky I am to be surrounded by some amazing people in my life, be they co-workers or students. I'm so glad I have a job that forces me to interact with people when I tend to steer away from it, as I've garnered some amazing opportunities from it. More about them later.

"Now you see me, and now I am a shadow" - Small Brown Bike / Casket Lottery

I'm about to pass out from exhaustion

But before that, behold in all it's glory:



Yep. My first show. Gonna be awesome. Feast your eyes and ears on the youtube goodness of some of these zonky bands:


F.I.D.
http://www.myspace.com/fidgrind
CxPxSx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkyfgKS-LqA
Million Dollar Boys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gufBaTP-VkQ -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coEyrStSM_w
Geshurekt Organ a.k.a. Kurupino a.k.a. Froglady
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AN3_WQOP-K4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBipqrFfjhY
Morquido
ECODAMNED
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHY1F3hLobM

Gotta say, Frog Lady is my favorite.


See you in 7 weeks NY, 6 weeks test, 5 weeks show.... my head asplode?

like having a dizzy spell cast upon you by a malevolent wizard

The more I read about Japan's last 150 years of history, the more I marvel at how everything has become so perfectly industrialized, as is now the standard. If I ascend the roof of my 3-story apartment complex, I can see nothing but buildings in every direction - maybe 20 of them apartment buildings, give or take. And I don't live in a very "urban" area, by Tokyo standards. I may have said this before, but the supreme wackiness of how everything is designed and put together here makes me think of a child with an infinite supply of legos: He just starts laying things into place pell-mell, without regards to the gas station next to the temple next to the research laboratory next to the preschool next to the bottomless pit. But I digress; I don't find buildings that beautiful. They can be awe-inspiring, as I re-discovered walking from Mejiro to Ikebukuro the other day, but it's a temporary effect, like having a dizzy spell cast upon you by a malevolent wizard. As embarrassing as it may be to say, I am a child of the suburbs, and kind of liked it there.

And yet, somehow, I am growing more and more acclimated to city life. Just thinking about how I've gotten used to these mechanical beasts that we all trains as my mode of transport was a mind-blow today. I compared that to the only real public transit option in Albany - the public buses, or CDTA, and shuddered at the thought.

I am going to plow through this "Modern Japanese Literature, 1868-present" book in all its tomeliness if it kills me in the process. Also reading Mother Night by Vonnegut now, that's exactly what one would expect from such a master of wit and pen. I started writing a bit more of my own fiction, although where that'll go remains to be seen. It feels a bit like bloodletting, but painful as it may be, perhaps it's necessary as well? Blogging is infinitely easier than creating worlds from bits of inspiration in my personal life.

Band practice was kick-ass today, no bones about it. Songs are getting tight. Trying to put together a proper set-list, which is harder than it was in punk/hardcore/metal bands. When every song is 1-2 minutes on average, you have to combine them and time them right, for maximum output. Gonna have a "studio live show" in November, which just means a relatively small studio space. I'll post a flyer or what-have-you when things get confirmed.


...Maybe it's less what I want to do with my life, than what life chooses to do with me?

That's not bad, it's baaad yo

I recall when I was 14, 15, 16, and I used to listen to Angel, the singer of my high school band My Own Demons, describe bands to me: "That band is baaad yo." This always perplexed me. I mean, if he showed gesticulations indicating favor towards the band, then I could assume he was misusing the word bad as slang, or short for "bad-ass" or something. That was clear enough. But then, when me and James and Dan (drummer and bassist respectively) would write tunes, and he said "that's bad!" I was always terribly confused and in need of clarification.

Last night, when I saw Bishop and Loyal to the Grave at Club Era in Shimokitazawa, I was talking to Akira, who I have mentioned before in this blog. He's a devoted troycore lover and general fan of 90s-era New York Hardcore - he especially worships Cutthroat, who have a special place in my heart as well. So we were talking (in Japanese) and I asked him what bands he likes nowadays, since all his favorites are at least 10 years old - Stigmata, Dying Breed, etc. Here's a rough transcript:

例えば，このごろハードコアバンドの中で最高はテラーと思う
me: "Well, for example, I think Terror is the best hardcore band going today."

まあ，テラーは。。。ー＿ー
Akira: "Terror, no I don't really like Terror"

なんで？バリッドアライブ好きんだろう？
"Really? But don't you like Buried Alive?"

うん，そうな
"Well, yea."

同じヴォカリスと！すっげ！ライブは最高だぜ
It's the same vocalist! They destroy! They are so good live.

まあ，ライブテラーはヤベエな
Yea, live Terror are bad.

なに？つまりテラーが好きじゃない？
What? In other words you don't like Terror?

違う，そのバンドのライブはヤベエエ
No, that band is just really bad live

ちょっと待って、「ヤバい」という意味は好きじゃないんでしょう？
Wait, "bad" means you don't like them?

ちがっ、「ヤベエ」はかっこいい
No, "bad" means they are sick/cool/good


Talk about across the globe high-school flashbacks.

I also had a fun time at the show, got called "crazy" for dancing just like I always have back home (I think being the only white guy in the crowd and my size has something to do with it - lots of Japanese dudes gettin down too), and left with a slighty busted nose. All in all a good time. As an added bonus, talking to Akira and some other dudes, I got to practice my manly Japanese, which is a hell of a lot harder than it sounds - a lot of different word shortenings and speech patters are used by men only, it's a much more gender-defined language than English, in my opinion.

Today was an amazing band practice. New songs being wrapped up, studio time in the near future, and show dates being planned. January 17 is a definite, details T.B.A. Also some heavy news about the future of the band, or at least that it will be on haitus for a while next year.... :/ But I can't talk details, not yet. Still, whatever happens, it's a wild ride, and F.I.D. are 100% solid people, and some of my best friends in Japan.

This talk of change though, it makes me think about how I'm actually leaving this country behind (permanently?) some time in the future. Weird.


"Stay cold! You can't hurt me anymore" - Trapped under Ice

"Pushed to the limits of functioning human condition, my brain stem snaps from the pressure" - xBishopx

Bear with me while I bear with me

Summer vacation is over as of tonight. It was a full 2 weeks, so I should feel satisfied. I went to the beach in Zushi, Kanagawa prefecture on Saturday, and spent 2 days in Nikko. I got to see some famous things, like some waterfall named after a dragon and lake Chuzenji. And Toshogu temple. There was NemuriNeko (the sleeping cat), sansaru (the three monkeys - hear no see no speak no evil), and exotic food called yuba, the skin off of tofu. The mountain air was crisp, cool and refreshing. I took some pictures with my cell phone, having forgotten my digital camera, but I don't feel like uploading them right now. Mwahahahaaaaaa!

Man have I gotten lazy about pics or what? Sorry guys. It was easy when everything here was shiny and new and I didn't have so much else on my plate.

This learning Chinese one day a week thing is certainly interesting. I go to work a few hours early (or rather the city I work in that day) to meet my teacher, and we do a language exchange. So far I have learned the general rules of thumb for reading Pinyin, "the standard system of romanized spelling for transliterating Chinese." I'd like to spend more time focusing on it, but really I practice only once a week. I hardly feel guilty or anything, since I spend so much time on Japanese.

My friend and neighbor who was in my training group has moved back to the States today. I was kind of bummed out, as this now makes zero white people or friends in my building - not that I have anything against my Japanese neighbors, but they are all really shy - and Dayn has been here for the exact same duration as me. Watching people disappear, and soon watching new people pour in, as there is a new training group starting this week, is certainly odd. I don't really know how to describe it.... maybe a dual axis. The world is spinning fast enough around me - I live in Tokyo for pete's sake - but relatively speaking everything stays still. I stay still. And people come into my sphere and leave almost haphazardly, whilst I go about my business. It's disorienting in a way, and I fail to see how anyone could get used to this.

It was quite a shock to be in Nikko, in a place where trains run only once or twice an hour. I'm used to every 3-7 minutes. I'd been thinking for a while how much of a pain this city can be, and how I subtly wished for a quieter life in the country, but this really opened my eyes to the reality of how boring country life appears to be. It looks gorgeous on the surface, but in comes the feeling of being trapped out in the countryside.

Here is where all the opportunities are. Here is where I am employed, have a band, and have a few cool friends. So I should be happy here, for the time being.

I've almost learned to write 2000 kanji. I can taste impending victory. According to Anki, my friendly flashcard study tool, I've spent 2.59 days on this deck of cards. (I have others...) 12,052 reviews, counting each time I reviewed each card. !!

My teacher noted today that I'm making less mistakes than before with my grammar practice. And I'm noticing things like comics becoming gradually easier to read, and sometimes I can go through quite a few sentences of Japanese text without needing a dictionary. It's like all I needed was this vacation and a few days off to really look at the progress I've made. Still, gotta keep the motivation up, and pass that JLPT2 test in December. Or die tryin!

There is one F.I.D. show planned, though it isn't until January. It's a long ways off, and probably there will be something before that. We are close...

I am close. Closer to comprehension of a foreign language, closer to finally playing a show, closer to breaking through this stage of my life.

"It was always worth it, that's the part I seem to hide." - Modest Mouse

"Uuugggh.... Turn that treble up!!" - Loss of Reason

"You wanna see pissed off? I'll show you pissed off like you've never f**kin seen!" - Burnt by the Sun

Looking back.... almost 1 year of "Escape from New York"

So maybe only John Torn has been with me since the beginning, but I've been doing this blog for almost a year. What does that mean? It's an accomplishment of sorts, to have kept writing steadily for a year. It also means I've almost been living in Japan for near on one whole year, which is both humbling and scary at the same time.

I took a few minutes to go back and read some of my first posts on this blog this morning. How have my opinions changed, how have I changed? Not so much as I had expected, or at least not noticeably. Though I suppose when one is around oneself all the time one cannot detect the minute differences, can one?... Ahem. But it did make me feel nostalgic about playing in Damnation Alley, my last music project in NY, and one of the funnest bands I've ever done. And JT, if you're reading this, weekend tour, when I'm home, some time between December 13-January 3rd, MAKE IT HAPPEN BRO. Me and Rich are on board!

Anyway, here's a snippet of what I'm talking about: (god I can feel the pretentiousness just oozing from me by quoting myself)

"This process of raging is how I'd like to define all the music I've ever written, but especially this last project, possibly my last New York-based band for a long time. We had so much fun writing and hanging out together, that it almost feels a shame to stop now. But, with Josh moving to Oregon in 2 weeks, and me moving in 5, it's time to say goodbye to the NY music scene, which is basically the same as saying goodbye to family and friends. I've made so many great friends along this wild ride. It was in hardcore music I found people I could finally relate to, words that meant something to me, and inspiration to stop taking life as it came and start changing things for the better. ...although past projects have had rather underwhelming results they have all meant the world to me, and been some of the most fun that I have ever had in my life."
- from this dinosaur of a post.

I still rage all the time, yet sadly, don't attend shows nearly as often as I'd like. I can't wait to be doing it the right way, where my band plays the show so I don't have to fork over 3500 yen at the door. And comparing Damnation Alley, my last band, with F.I.D., my current band, is about as apples and oranges as you can get. Two totally different styles, totally different genders, totally different cultures. But they both shared one thing, and that's the fun of writing and creating something - oh, and they're both composed of stand-up dudes and ladies.

Even more embarrassing is looking back on my very first post (you don't want to, trust me) and to see what my goals were. Did I keep the blog free of whininess? As much as possible, but a guy has to complain now and then. Did I keep it un-work related? As much as possible, but work is such a huge part of my life, it can't just be totally ignored. Did I keep it true to my feelings and has it been an outlet that makes me feel a bit more connected with my loved ones back home, and the random people who read it but never say anything? That is where the greatest success has been, for sure.

I have lost my train of thought. Um. I am in a bit of a rush this morning, second Chinese lesson, then I'm going on a quest to find Frank's Red Hot or some facsimile thereof at a foreign food store, and finally work. It's gonna be a full day, I already know that. So let's stop here for now.


"It's an old trick, writing of life as if you really had an angle on it. I do it myself. I even admire my own piss when I'm pissing... piss and writing, we're closest to our own." - Charles Bukowski, "Piss and Shit."

"Another day, another year, so what's the hurry?" H20

"I never want to feel that way, I never want to hear those words again" - Skycamefalling


P.S. I keep forgetting to click the "publish" button when I read my comments - so if you're wondering why yours haven't shown up, sorry! I really like hearing from people through here. :)

If only every day could be just like today.

Today was awesome. I got up and went to the gym at 9:45, right when it opened. I pushed myself to do as much as I could and got out at 11:00. I made some a green pepper and garlic omelette with bacon for breakfast, and then went to Shinjuku for F.I.D. practice. To those who don't remember (or never read my older posts), here is a recap:

-F.I.D. is a band I'm in. It used to be all girls, but through several strokes of luck I was able to take the place of the previous guitarist.

-For family reasons, the drummer has been out for almost a year

-Today was my first practice with the drummer - before it had always been me, the bass player and singer practicing to a tape, which was lame but we had no choice.

Roughly 9 months ago, I met the drummer Tomoko and bassist Kanako for the first time. Since then my Japanese has of course gotten significantly better, so communication during practice wasn't much of a problem. The real struggle was in certain music terms like "measure" and "3/4 timing." But regardless, Tomoko played amazing. It was everything I hoped it would be, us 3 jamming out tunes almost perfect on the first try, which is really something considering I've barely practiced them in 3 or 4 months (although I learned them by heart then) and Tomo hadn't hit anything but a practice pad in almost a year! We also wrote 2 songs. I'm so freakin' excited about writing more and playing shows. We all get along and have that chemistry that is necessary for a band - I've seen it flow before, and this is definitely going to be something good.

After that, we all got caught unawares by Japan's sneaky rainy season. It had been sunny and beautiful this morning, and turned sloshy and wet by the time we left the practice studio around 4. We all got pretty soaked, and me and Kana were off to do our language exchange, as we've done every week for almost 6 months now. She's taking the TOEIC next month - that's the big English exam which, if you nail a good score on it, can get you an awesome, good-paying job. It also haunts Japanese people's nightmares, I'm sure. Much like the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) does for me.

Anyway, the wind and rain picked up severely, and we shared one cheap umbrella, both of us with guitars on our backs. Kana's bass unfortunately got a bit damp, turns out my case is soft but water-proof though. We had a good lesson and I've almost half finished with my current Japanese grammar book, which is good progress. I also read some Eyeshield 21 (Japanese American Football manga) on the train. And I'm now totally exhausted.

I really wish everyday could be spent working out, jamming, and studying. As cool as my job usually is, I'm really here to learn, not to teach English. So I feel obligated to make the most of my free time.

Speaking of studying, I started a new blog that will make absolutely no sense to 99% of you out there (only if you're an avid student of Japanese). It's about using spatial memory tricks to group Japanese characters with the same reading together and learn them all at once. Many of these groups range from 10-characters to 50 or 60, all with the exact same pronunciation - Japanese is full of homonyms. Have I lost you yet? It's kind of cool though, because I'm using something some dude on the internet invented called the movie method, where you take one movie to mean one pronunciation, and associate each character with a scene or aspect of the movie. It sounds totally convoluted, but actually works! And is a great excuse to watch a movie. I'm working on doing this with Gran Torino now - that was probably the best movie I saw all last year compared to the Wrestler.

While I was writing this my Mother called, and I got to talk with her, my Aunt and my cousin for a bit. I miss you all! My mother also wrote a beautiful piece about her some recent struggles in her life, maybe I will link in the future. Most moving thing I've heard in a while. As far as heroes go, I think Moms are far under-rated.

Mr T. thinks so too:

Dirty doctors, fond farewells

About 2 weeks ago I ordered a back-support pillow since I have terrible posture. It doesn't help that I'm still recovering from pulling a muscle in my back a month or so ago. I ordered it through the local clinic, and the nice doctor who usually does the work was cool enough to suggest it. I've been busy however, and wasn't able to stop in and pick it up. So yesterday, on my way home, what do I see but a man in white scrubs (and those silly plastic clogs, I think) chasing me down the street. I told him I was busy and would pick it up later. That was yesterday, and tonight on my way home from work, I noticed that his shop door was open. So I checked in to see if it was OK (even though business hours were long over), and all I could see was an arm from someone laying horizontally on the floor, swinging in what must of been a bizarre "hello." The dude laying on the floor (the doctor's assistant) proceeded to say my black tie was cool, and the odd couple seemed really stoked to have a foreigner walk into their office at night.... and they'd obviously been drinking, although they were doing paperwork at the same time. Oh Japan!

It's such a right phenomenon, I don't think I will ever get used to it. My very existence, being a foreigner in Japan, makes some people ecstatic (without any effort on my part) or fearful (double-checking their locked doors at night). I either appear 10x cooler than I really am, or a big scary monster. I get the former vibe more often, honestly. I mean I can't read people's minds, and even though the difference between a cold, mean stare and a kind, curious stare should be simple enough to differentiate, the infamous Japanese "passive stare" as my friend Nicholas called it, is quite ambiguous. For instance, the other day I was doing sit ups at the gym and the tatttoo on my leg (located above my knee) was showing a bit. An older guy next to me just sat there and stared at me for a good solid minute or two. At the same gym, I was doing a back-bridge on the mat and this younger fellow walking by just gawks at me like a deer in headlights. Sometimes when I sit next to people on the train, they are just enamored/revolted by my being there. It's really hard to tell what they're thinkinh, so I just kind of respond in the same passive manner they utilize so much. Fire with fire, and all that. Best not to think too much about any of it and just let it ride anyway.

So I saw a good friend of mine off yesterday, and it was a bittersweet departure. Bitter since I no longer have a cool neighbor who'll play Black Flag and Rage Against the Machine at 8:30am, sweet since, uh... I got a desk in my room now? But of course I'd rather keep my neighbor than some hunk of wood. I'll miss ya Nicholas, get back here soon!

Oh, and the best part: my room is such a mess from me being tremendously busy all month (I've been working 6 day weeks and usually spending almost my entire day off taking lessons/studying), that I have a desk plopped in the middle of my room. I gotta "play tetris" with the place so to speak to get it to fit snugly somewhere. But not until next weekend!

Also, it's officially "Rainy Season" here in Japan, so the incredible humidity can make things go moldy, as my friend and classmate the British Mum of 20 yrs. expatriate-status recently informed me, so washing up, airing out and putting away my possessions will be crucial to not incurring the wrath of said mold. As Shane, my other classmate put it: "last year I got mold on things I didn't know could get moldy, like my leather bag." We'll see how it turns out!

And in other (non-dramatic) news, I'm really into "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" for the DS at the moment, and am reading Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." I don't really have a good reason for either, so I'll just leave it at that. I'm exhausted, good night!

"I don't want you to be alone down there to be alone down there to be alone" - Modest Mouse

"Remain steadfast. Awwwwww Perseverance! Crushing all opposition, discipline and determination" - Hatebreed.


P.S. In my post-work drowsiness I almost forgot the best part: TOMOKO (F.I.D.'s original drummer, who had a baby about 4 months back) is coming back to the band! We can start practicing! I can start jamming with a Japanese drummer who loves Suffocation! We'll play some shows this year! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!

Feeba!

Chapter 5: Cedar in the Air.

The other night I wound up, by some various hair-brained circumstances, hanging out with two Japanese friends of mine from Kobe and wandering aimlessly around Kabukicho, Shinjuku's famous red-light district. The two girls' reactions were quite hilarious: "It's so embarrassing walking through here!" They say as we pass love hotels, host clubs, strip joints, and what are probably soap houses (legitimate brothels). This area of town used to be run in a more heavy-handed manner by the Yakuza, and quite dangerous; Now it serves as more of an area teeming with varying forms of night-life. This was the night before Spring Equinox (national holiday) and there were foreigners abound. Other than the usual black dudes and other foreigners (not to sound prejudice or something, but it's like 80% black dudes), out to hustle you to going into an overpriced adult club of some kind, there were foreigners, salarymen and everyone from everywhere you could think of, all out to have a good time in this ubiquitously well-known, over-crowded area. Tokyo is an exciting place to live like this, and I guess I take it for granted at times.

I escorted the two ladies to the cheap bar I knew there, but it was full up since we showed up late, having celebrated early holiday with overpriced (but non-Japanese) beer for a belated St. Patty's Day. Again, the girls said they felt weird but we turned a corner and poof, like magic, we went from perv-ville to a huge display of hundreds of colored balloons, various cheap dresses on sale and stuffed animals. One block away was the hotel district, and two more was a 20+ story hospital. The sheer abundance in such small spaces is dizzying. Japan is condensation. The town I live in is more dense and probably bigger than Albany, the capital city of New York that I am "from" (really five minute across the river). But this 100,000 person or more area is considered somewhat rural.

When there are neon signs, 24-hour eateries and 3 convenience stores in 1/8 of a mile, I don't quite call that rural.

*note to self: place clever transition here*

--

Feeba (Fever)

After the veritable breeze that last fall was, as far as no noticeable allergy afflictions, I thought I had left my horrendous pollen allergies behind with my old life in New York. You see back there, every Fall and Spring were murder on my sinuses, so I had tried everything to counter-act it, from pills to nasal sprays to allergy injections. (!!) I even brought some of the nasal spray with me to Japan, but stopped taking it and noticed no difference - good for me, since acquiring and refilling prescriptions are supposed to be a royal pain here.

As you may have already guessed, I jinxed myself hard on this one. Spring is in the air, with temperatures reaching up to 70 this week, and Japan's over-saturation of cedar-based pollens has rocked me pretty hard today. Headaches and a sore throat when I woke up this morning, nothing unmanageable, but today I earned my chips, substituting 3 kids classes in a row, 2 of which were levels I've never really taught before. 2 of them went smoothly, despite being craft-based: making playdough was a right mess but fun, and coloring Easter eggs with a bunch of 5 year olds is really no big deal. I did have a class of 10-12 year olds though who were really, really hard to get through to, like they wouldn't pay attention to a word I said and I was continually being talked over by more than one person, and I have to work on some methods to counteract this. I think they call it discipline? I call it my least favorite part about my job, since I just want to be the cool, down-to-earth kind of teacher I always enjoyed back when I was a kid, but sometimes it's necessary. More on that as things develop.

I got my new job contract! (In case you don't know, everything starts in April here, school, new fiscal years, etc.) It's only tentative at this point, but it's looking good. I have five kids classes which I think is a good number, and some closer schools thanks to management acknowledging my requests. I'm leaving some students and classes and schools behind which is a strange feeling, as it's the first time I've really done something like this. It feels like a weird situation, between me and my students... We only have a student-teacher relationship, but I really want to know what will happen to the young guy who specializes in agriculture moving to the country who I've taught since I moved here, or how the 5-year-old who I just started giving private lessons to will get on in the future. I'm so stubborn about leaving things behind, and change and all that, which you wouldn't think considering where I live, but I am.

Took a trip with some friends to Kamakura on Monday. It was a great time, getting out of the city and seeing the ocean. Pics coming whenever I get off my lazy butt to upload em. (...or I guess that would be on my lazy butt, with a camera and USB cable in arms reach).

I was experiencing some chronic wrist pain when lifting so I bit the bullet and saw a doctor the other day. I was gonna go to a hospital but my friends in Japanese class convinced me that a Clinic was better. This bears some explaining: In Japan, almost any city/town will have several Kurinikku, where you can see a licensed General Practitioner who will take care of your needs on a more personal level than a hospital. The best part is that with my health insurance, I've been getting some crazy, acupuncture-point-style massages on my aching arm for real cheap, significantly better than the co-pay back home. I've even taken to chatting my doc in Japanese, since he mostly just knows medical terms and can speak only broken English. The best part was when I mentioned moving to Japan, the first thing he says something about toilets, using an onomatopoeia to the effect of zaaaa, with an exaggerated hand motion, exhibiting some kind of function that the high-tech toilets here have, which I have yet to uncover - lazer beams perhaps?
As far as Japanese toilets, they come in two styles here: medieval holes in the floor (see: the one right outside my room) and high tech models with buttons for everything from varied degrees of flushing to personal, shall I say, genitalia-washing sprays. Haven't tried that one yet myself. Or rather, I haven't been forced into a situation where I have to.........yet.

Speaking of sound-based words like my doc's "zaaaa," they love, utterly love using onomatopoeia in speech here, I'll do a full article on it some time. It's mind-blowing.

In band news, there's no real news. Sadly our new prospective drummer Ian had to back down due to an already over-slammed schedule. So we're drummerless once again, and I'm kind of bummed, but waiting patiently. We've got some ads up but no catches yet - if anyone knows a good, grind-style drummer in the Tokyo area, contact me, ok?

I know there are cool stories or things that have happened that I'm not recalling right now, and that's a shame. I should write more regularly, but I spend more of my free time now study-study-studying. I've got kind of a "maximum-output fever" going on, and want to keep it up for as long as possible. I spend my time drilling flashcards, practicing grammar and reading Japanese comics I understand 40-60% of, with varying success. Right now reading a lot of Gantz, Dragon Ball, Bobobo, One Piece.... I also have been reading yet more Lovecraft, he's got an addicting style with his vivid, spooky imagery. And watching the hilarious music-student based drama Nodame Cantalibre, hilarious!!! (Ashleigh, you would like this one)

No point in forcing it I suppose - more of my quasi-exciting life coming soon!


"Given to the rising." - Neurosis

"I'm walkin' and I'm talkin' and I'm tryin' and I'm lyin' but I just can't get through to you! Maybe I'd be better off talkin' to a wall, cuz you aren't makin' any sense at all!" - Cro-mags

"And it's strange, but they're all basically the same, so I don't ask names anymore." - Death Cab