I used to be looked at by other people as different and weird by my teammates because I would clap and cheer for my team in the middle of games, and encourage people even though I myself was a terrible baseball player. Little League was definitely not my thing - I would often be falling asleep standing up in the outfield, or become entranced by the dandelions rustling in the wind and the heat smothering by body. I often struck out, blinked right before the ball went by and was in general not a good player. I remember being blamed for losing a game and sobbing like a little girl, running off the field. I remember accidentally hitting a kid in the knee when I was in the batters box; I'm fairly sure that was an accident. I even remember throwing my bat in frustration, one time mere feet from my coach and still getting the sportsmanship trophy (because everyone on the team had to get a trophy for something).
What am I getting at you may wonder. For one thing it's all true, and for another I want to write today about some things for my sake and yours, such as what am I doing living in Japan and why do I take fairly well to existing in such a foreign environment? Why do I like teaching?
I remember feeling isolated and different pretty often as a kid, usually being treated as the outcast of the group. Whether it was to try to make friends, a reflection of my Christian upbringing, or some other thing that inspired me, I was always really enthusiastic and positive when the other players did something right. I don't remember ever receiving this treatment back, and somehow I think I knew I wouldn't (because if I did something right it was a total fluke anyhow), but it felt like the only contribution I could make to the team without messing up. So I clapped or cheered from the lonely right field, regardless of everyone else's attitudes.
I realize looking back that I was a kid who didn't think like a normal kid. What the others prioritized was winning games, hitting the hardest or running the fastest, maybe even showing off for their parents or friends. My priority was surviving practices and games for the hot dog or pizza at the end. But in all seriousness, it usually was. That and trying to contribute something, show some love and maybe get something for it in return?
The point in all this, besides getting a few good laughs as I am content with myself and even the more unflattering bits of my past, is that I like giving to other people. I receive some elusive and deep pleasure to be unconditionally encouraging towards another who is trying hard at something. I know that this idea of treating others as you'd like to be treated is a very Christian one, and even though I'm not a practicing Christian I consider the morals valuable and worthy to live by. In the classroom and in the real world I like to be brutally honest (not always a good idea) but also as supportive as I can be in general of other people's ambitions. I'm sure I slip here or there and I'm not always 100% in the giving mood, but most of the time I base my actions along these lines. Say what you want about the flaws and paradoxes of religion, the tyrants who've ruled by it and the people who've suffered due to these writings and in the name of God, I think there are some innate moral truths underneath all the fog and smoke.
But enough about my past, religion and baseball. I recently taught a lesson which had, as a conversational question: "Is it better to have a lot of acquaintances or a few close friends?" This is a question perhaps you've heard or thought about before. The student in this case actually read my mind, saying that a few close friends is better, but the advantages of an extended social network are abundantly self-evident (those weren't his exact words of course). Ever since I've moved to Tokyo, I've had to shift from being more set on just hanging out with these 3 or 4 close friends to being more flexible and social. I think this is good for me, as it has forced me to come out of my shell a bit and I've got to meet interesting people from different parts of the world - mainly America, the U.K., Australia and of course Japan. I did maintain such social networks when doing bands and such back home, but I always had my real friends to look to and fall back on. Here I don't. Here I have a few people I feel I can trust 100%. Fewer still are those who I simply get, feel comfortable around and like their personalities and the feeling is mutual. I know lots of people who I just don't click with like that - Was it Plato who said the deep, philosophical friendships were the best and rarest kind, Greg? - but I still like talking to them, or having someone to shoot the shit with in between classes or at the bar or on the trains. It can be stifling though, hence part of the reason I felt so down the last time i posted on here, to only be friends with people you don't really know. I can't expect the same things I do from people I've known for years or shared my passions with or my soul with - but I find myself wanting to do just that. To put my trust in people I don't know well enough, and to open up because at times I'd give anything to just be myself and speak my mind without having to filter and consider and re-word every little thing. Sometimes this gets me into trouble. Actually depending on what you call trouble, you could say it gets me into something every day. I wish I knew where I stood with like 8 different people right now, but that story will be told when it happens. I'm sure there'll be comedies and tragedies abound.
Not very Japan-related today, gomen ne. (sorry) I started taking Japanese lessons last week, twice a week, 2 lessons per day Monday and Wednesdays a bit earlier than I would like, but that will force me not only to study harder but to sleep in less. All positive things. I have no real long term goals here in Japan except to become as fluent as possible. Ganbatte! (I'll do my best!)
I went to Ian's place on the military base in Fussa for a quick dinner after work on Friday (quick because I live 70 minutes away and the last trains come all too soon when you get out of work at 9). He made burritos, and subsequently made me the happiest man alive. I have a real passion for mexican food, but hadn't eaten burrito shells, corn chips, refried beans, guacamole or sour cream in easily 5 months. All of those things are hard to find here, and if you find them they're expensive! Luckily for Ian the military base provides a grocery store with everything Americans could want to keep them happy.
I went to my friend Renee's birthday party last night, and at the risk of incurring feminine wrath I'll go ahead and post this picture of me looking way cooler than I actually am:
As anti-photogenic as I am, that is probably the best picture of me that will ever be taken. The party was great, went to the famous 100 yen bar (100 yen draft beers, that's like $1 a pop folks) in Shinjuku and took the place over, must have been 40-some people there just for Renee's party. They ran out of proper mugs and started giving out these little baby glasses. They ran out of pitchers and got slow for a while which prompted me to make a quick run to the convenience store out of sheer impatience. I had an awesome time and wish last train didn't always hang over our evenings and end such great parties so prematurely! Although some people choose to go out all night, I just don't pace myself like that... plus 12-5am is a looong time.
Ok, that's it! I'll try and get back to my normal posting habits, although I've been keeping busier! Keep reading and hey, if you like what I write, tell a friend or something and spread the word! I'm puttin my all into this thing, might as well tell the world.
"I know you, but I don’t know you, You can not tell me what’s inside, why can't you swallow your pride?" - H20
"Cross out the eyes, Blur all the lines, Tearing this canvas from the wall" - Thursday
