Life happens fast

"If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it" - Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

It's unbelievable this decade is coming to a close. I'm in a state of utter doubt. It is simply beyond my comprehension as a human being. Ten years ago I was 13, had almost no friends and spent hours after school playing the same E-A-D-A riff on my guitar in hopes of getting better some day. Shortly thereafter I started my first band and had some memorable, lifetime experiences. Smoking weed for the first time on my 14th birthday was one of them. Playing my first live show at the now defunct "Rensselaer fest" with our foul-mouthed singer (who got us banned from ever playing again with his stunning barrage of F-bombs) and covering Pantera while two of our friends moshed in the parking lot, and many parents sighed, mine included. I could barely lift my head up at that time to face the audience...

And now here I am, on the other side of the world, and I sing dance and entertain groups big and small on an almost daily basis. I'm talking about teaching kindergarteners here, by the way, at least for the singing part. With the adults I more often try to coax THEM into the singing. But at any rate, what I want to say is I no longer fear the crowd; I no long fear a future without companionship, and I can walk with my head up proud of who I am. It's a big change, and to be sure the next decade will be full of them too.

A very busy December has arrived, but it's the good kind of busy. I'm wrapping up the most hectic work week I have, but 3 weeks from now I'll be in Chiang Mai, Thailand, sipping a cool beverage and enjoying exotic foods in a much more beautiful environment than concrete-crazy Tokyo, praying to not contract traveler's diarrhea. There are a lot of things to do before that, most especially taking the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) Level 1 which will be conducted 48 hours from now. I'm not really ready, but with a little luck and some educated guessing I might just swing a passing grade! Which would be cool. I could get a job at any old Japanese company if I a) had the supplemental qualifications, ones in demand like engineering or programming (yea right!) and b) if I wanted to change jobs. But I don't. I'm content with what I do, except that I strive to become better. Stronger. Faster.

That's where the Master's comes in. Still looking into which University to attend, and anyone who wants to drop me advice on this big decision is welcome, but I'm going for my Masters in TESL through an on-line program starting in the fall of next year. I'll be more qualified, possibly make more money, but most importantly learn to be a better teacher. Lord knows I have improved by leaps and bounds since 2008, so I can only get better from here on! Tentatively, I'm planning to enroll in the fall of 2010.

Oh, and by the way, next month, if you're in the San Fransisco or Los Angeles area, come say hi, my band is playing SHORT FAST AND LOUD Fest and a subsequent show with Capitalist Casualities the following Sunday:



In F.I.D. news, new CD is being recorded this month, along with final preparations for the big California trip next month. I could go into more details, but I'll save it for another time.

Back to the present: After this little landmark test is over, I'm done with formally studying Japanese. I've done it (and pretty hardcore at that) a smidgen over 4 years, and I need to invest time elsewhere. Where exactly? Well, I want to up my knowledge of philosophy, American Contemporary and Classic Literature and overall "well-readness." Oh, and I want to learn another language and be able to speak it reasonably well by the time I'm 30. No biggie. =P

I've heard the theory some people are attracted to big goals? I am most definitely one of them. Eerily true to my star sign, I like nothing better than a project/task/relationship which takes a long, steady time to build up and is one that I can feel good and proud of. Don't misunderstand, I also enjoy my fast-food-style-whopper-with-fries-give-it-to-me-faster-FASTER-NOW-style things, as any good 21st Century Boy with a fleeting attention span should, but none of these can ultimately satisfy in the same way. I forget where I read it, but a veritable slogan for the modern American identity is this: "we want it faster, right now, for cheaper, and with less effort on our part." This works great when you're hawking used electronics or automobiles, but as for personal gain and getting somewhere in life, it isn't a very sustainable work-model.

Still with me? I'm getting to the big point here! For 2010, or at least until I start college, I'll be undertaking my biggest New Years Resolution since not being a fat lazy inactive slob: THE BOOK A WEEK PROJECT, A.K.A. "The Reader The Better" (pronounced in the past tense like the color red + er) I've seen mentions of it and other people have done it and blogged about it, now it's my turn. It won't be so strict as it may sound, and I reserve the right to read 3 or 4 or 5 different things at once. Comics will be mentioned by won't really count. Audiobooks count. I'll blog what I've accomplished as I go, starting January 1st.... or 5th, since that's when I get back from Thailand. The best used bookstore in Tokyo, the Blue Parrot, is having a big sale next week so I'll pick up a ton of reading there. Also thinking about a Kindle next year.

The main purpose of this project isn't to hit the goal or exceed it or anything, just to give myself motivation to read more. I'm no speedreader either, I take my time and enjoy my books, so it'll be a hefty time investment which I am more than ready to make.

That's what's up!! My dork senses are tingling all over, and I'm looking forward to 2011, with it's 12 (er, 9) months of complete freedom to live, work, and read as I please. No more shackles in the shapes of Chinese characters, also not as crazy with extra part-time work (hopefully) and most definitely am not letting anyone else run my life but me.

It's 23 degrees in Tokyo today (around 80 for you Fahrenheitians), with gusty winds and almost two dozen train delays. This is a sign of things to come.

Happy Holidays!
Ben Belcher

P.S.

A taste: Currently in the process of reading:

Audiobooks:
Shelly Kagan's "Death" - philosophy course from Yale Univeristy
Bertrand Russel - A History of Western Philosophy (made it past antiquity and to the part about the Papacy, and while history isn't my best subject and makes it hard to follow at times, it's still really fascinating and interesting stuff!)

Books:
Frank Herbert - Dune

Comics:
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - Volume 2
ジョジョの奇妙な冒険４２巻 JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, volume 42 (in the middle of Part 4 of one of the most epic Shonen Jump series ever released!)

It will be mine

I know I've thought countless times in the last week "hey I could blog about this." Sadly my flux of ideas doesn't correlate to the time I leisurely sit in front of my computer typing up entries, so I'm sure much has been lost. I am only human after all.

As for how I think and do things, I've been schooled on my own high-rises and gutter-balls, and it boils down to a simple idea: I'm creative and great at coming up with ideas, but I'm not so great at organizing and executing them. This isn't to say I'm incapable of the latter, but it doesn't flow as freely as the former does by any stretch of the imagination. It comes out in almost everything I do: my erratic yet dutiful studies; my haphazard but relatively effective speaking style in Japanese; my teaching method of the same cloth; my admittedly random, somewhat sloppy but unique(?) take on playing guitar, and so on. Even here, where I post on an unpredictable timetable and a kind of "when the spirit moves me" mentality. And my posts are equally as disorganized as every fiber of my being, as they reflect my thoughts. It's the kind of thing that you don't realize about yourself until somewhat steps up and calls you out on your eccentricities, because you are always too close to yourself to have any perspective or know better. It takes others for me to step back a minute and realize what I'm doing, and I'm glad they do - I'm still trying to figure me out.

At any rate, I blame too much creative learning and my lackluster abilities in Math- and Science-related curriculum. Curse you post-hippy, free-thinking education system!!!

I bought a new guitar today! But why the sudden urge? Another backwards explanation is in order: the weather was so beautiful yesterday (Sunday) that even a nasty hangover couldn't keep me down. In fact in a somewhat sloth-like state, the whole outside world teeming with new life, I swam in sunbeams that semed a surreal paradise which time had forgotten. I looked at the stone bench on the gorgeous verdure-covered walking path near my apartment and thought how I'd love to sit in the shade and play an acoustic guitar in this perfect weather. (before summer comes and turns this whole damned city into a sticky and miserable jungle) I have an acoustic guitar back in the states, but due to obvious spacial constraints refrained from bringing it with me on any journey nigh on 7000 miles. It's a decent guitar, but it's slightly warped from slight misuse and always sounds slightly out of tune anywhere above the 7th fret. So I left the old girl behind, and the mild longing for a new one has been itching at my gut for quite some time. Itch relieved. I'll post a picture? Naa, I'll never get around to it, who am I kidding. It's a 30-year old Humming Bird in amazing condition with only a few scratches that I got in Ochanomizu from a used guitar store for under 20,000 yen (around $200). What a steal!!!! I'd heard that there were amazing finds to be made there, but holy crapoly. One look at that baby and it was like the scene with the Stratocaster in Wayne's World, minus any Stairway to Heaven. I tried only one guitar, and bought it 5 minutes later. No regrets here, my apartment is a much happier place now.

--

I wrote all of the above about 3 days ago (not going to to try and blend it seamlessly together, no point) but knew I didn't have a complete entry. Here goes le finish:

March is crawling to an end, the cherry blossoms are just starting to peak out in places, and there couldn't be a more appropriate time of year to be reading "Hokkaido Hitchhiking Blues." It's a solid travel book, and enlightening on Japan. I recommend it.

Lately I've been thinking of humanity's frightfully minor status in the universe at large, or to quote H.P. Lovecraft: "terrifying vistas of reality, and our frightful position therein." I think it's a combination of being heavy into this Moby Dick audiobook - a lot of philosophizing, sea-is-great-we-are-small kind of stuff, not to mention biblical sh*t goes down in it - and it being spring time. The world spins on and her seasons roll by and we are merely lucky to experience them by circumstance; it isn't like we help cause them, and if anything we pollute them with our humanity. Silly humans. But being one I can't really knock them- er, us so hard.

I've got a lot of real world stuff to do: Taxes, fleshing out Golden Week plans with my Mom coming to Japan, studying super hard for level N1 JLPT in December (and level n2 for kicks in July). As for the n1 test, I'm banking on surpassing a 50% score. The minimum pass is 70%, and maybe if I didn't have to work I could study enough to get that in a year, but it's doubtful. It's a huge leap in difficulty, and a pass = fluency (on paper), so it's no small task. No, my real goal is to pass this almighty personal benchmark by 2011, which would mean I've "mastered" the Japanese language in about 5 years. Then I'd be able to shift my attention to the true pandora's box (and possible money-maker), Chinese!!!

How I wish I had a better grasp of where I was going with my life sometimes. Things are good now, but they can't stay this way forever. Changes have to be made eventually, but it's a "maybe next year" scenario. Every year?? Hrrmmmmm who's got a time machine I can borrow? Some Back-to-the-Future 2 style action is in order... minus the Biff.

Concerning Golden Week, after much hotel-hunting I've managed to string it together: Two days in Hiroshima, one on the mainland and one on the gorgeous, deer-infested island of Miyajima. Followed by a day in the famous port-town of Kobe, then a visit to my metal brethren Hiro's family's home in the beautiful Aichi countryside (a.k.a. middle-of-nowhere Japan), and two days to split between Nara and Kyoto, both former capital's of Japan. back in the dizzay. Before and after that me and my Mom will be doing stuff around Tokyo too, although it's really hard to decide what to the put time into exactly. Got to hit the major stuff anyway, although I secretly long to emulate Mr. Ferguson's aforementioned travel book, purposefully skipping all big cities and seeing more of the real, quaint, reflections-of-the-old-world Japan.

At times I feel like living in Tokyo is psuedo- neo-Japan (which it is). I'm not saying I want tabi (split-toe) sandals and samurai's impaling themselves in the name of honor, just more ricefields and less people who aspire to conquer the world via computer chips, or who want to speak English because it's a business language. Gah. English is such a beautiful, artistic, arbitrary language that to learn it simply for business purposes (without scraping the surface, feeling it or looking into the how and whys, laughing at the gross inconsistencies or punny possibilities) is sadly missing the point in my opinion. Although I would have to say the same for Japanese.... and probably most languages now that I think about it, if I had any right to say that or anything at all about them.

Ramblings. If you want funny pictures of stuff with more wit and less personal drivel, check out my buddy Steve's semi-famous Tokyo Damage blog on the right side of your screen. Good stuff, and he's a solid dude as well with good taste in music.

F.I.D. shows coming THIS SUMMER IN TOKYO! The new jams are off the hook yo. We have a song about "Babies in China, Metaphysics and Men on the Moon." And one called "Mixed Fries."

Until I ramble again, cyberspacians.

"Remember when you said that things would never change / You liar / Because these days things in my life, they don't stay the same / You changer" - Small Brown Bike

...creep into place...

I couldn't help looking into the bathroom mirror and laughing hysterically. What a ride. As I walked out of the airport facilities I thought to myself: either I need some tums or I should just keep away from sausage biscuits, not sure as of January 3rd 8pm Tokyo time, 6am at my current location of Albany New York. Albany airport to be exact (about time they provided free wifi here!). Newark, New Jersey doesn't do the same though, so this will be my last communication until I'm back in the Japanland.

This is a red-eye flight of sorts, even though I woke up at 2:30am this morning. Fairly ridiculous when you think about it.

I'm not in disbelief I'm going back to Tokyo, I merely find myself laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. And possibly the unbearable light of being as well. Huge thanks and much love to all my friends and family who made my vacation so enjoyable. Also, list of awesome bands I saw in the States over vacation, that I'd recommend to you all:


After the Fall
Born Low
Damnation Alley
Make do and Mend
Down to Nothing
Forfeit
Oak and Bone
Trapped Under Ice
Sun God

I could through myspace links in there... or you could just google ANY of those names and the word myspace. C'mon, you won't.

If anyone really wants to know what's in my head, or perhaps why I'm going back to foreign lands and am content to do so, you need look no further:



"Go to work, go to school
Get an education, so you won't be a fool
Be a doctor, PHD, all that shit, that's not for me

All my life people tell what to say
This is my life live it my own way

Was so blind could not see
figures of authority, always standing behind me,
ready to come down on me

All my life people tell what to say
This is my life live it my own way" - Sick of it All, "My Life"

I now leave you as a "quote" in typical E.F.N.Y. fashion, the first track off of After the Fall's latest CD "Fort Orange." It's the best work yet from an amazing local band that has been together almost 10 years... and who I should see in Tokyo this year. Go dudes!! Fort Orange is the original name of my beautiful hometown of Albany, NY, by the way. I don't have the lyric sheet with me so here's most of it from memory.

"December 31st marks the day when Albany police opened fire on Lark street and killed an innocent man. Tell me what the fuck were you thinking, were you following standard procedure, to protect and serve?.... David Scraringe was only 24, he had a family not just another name.... those cops never saw any punishment to this day" After the Fall - "Fort Orange"