No beginning, no end, again and again

Everyday I think real hard about what I'm gonna do for the rest of my life. It may seem stupid, and maybe it is, but I think about it just the same. I think about how this job should eventually reach one of two ends: Either its going to reel me in for the long haul out of complacency, or be a springboard toward bigger and better things. "I taught in Japan for X years" looks great on a resume and all, but if I ever expect to find work back in the states I'll need more schooling first. Having this job under my belt won't make me any more or less eligible to manage a Starbucks, I'm afraid.

Might as well face the facts: An English Bachelors' Degree doesn't carry much weight at all in America. It might get me into a cushy and worthless state job (where I don't want to be) but that's about it. And that's not to say I loathe the idea of Graduate School - I really miss the academic world in fact. Something just seems to be odd in my life when I don't have homework, and I have to make my own reading lists. And even though I'm technically teaching now, it's not always how shall I say "intellectually stimulating." Sometimes it's trite, repetitive and boring. So this all begs the question: why not?

There are several reasons why I'm not taking the plunge: I have been schooling non-stop since Kindergarten, I'm not crazy about getting into debt and I don't know what I want to go for. The biggest qualm is really the last one - What do I want to do for the rest of my life? My current employment is great because it varies so much: I get to teach university students, adults, pre-teens and junior high kids, I get to teach private lessons and larger groups. Going to Grad School for something like American Literary Studies is appealing in some ways, and dreadful in others. Dissertations aside, I would be committing myself rather exclusively to some kind of Professorship. And while this is somewhat desirable, I don't feel myself leaning so far in that direction, at least not yet. Here's a brief list of Graduate school focuses I've pondered:

-Japanese Language, History and Culture - pick one out of a hat and roll with it.

-A focus in Classical American Literature - I enjoy Hawthorne and Faulkner and all that.

-Education - Great for the ultimate goal of *shudder* Teaching. In. Public. Schools. (suddenly Starbucks sounds mighty appealing)

-Children's Education - Let's face it, they are the future. They are also fun at times, and as far as my experience goes they seem to want to learn more genuinely than most of us adults.

-Education and Administration - if this even exists. I would make a righteous Principal.

-Philosophy - probably not going to happen, but it seems strangely tempting. I do like to discuss shit that no one can ever possibly know.

But like a ball of indecisive goo, I can't pick one I like enough, not yet. Lucky for me this decision isn't staring me in the face, but it looms, oh how it looms. I've always been a hyperbolically forward thinker, so this is nothing new, but it is the rest of my life we're talking about here.

And on different days I feel swayed toward different paths. Today for example, I had an amazing kids class. The kids were so well behaved, enjoyed all the games and activities I presented, and really seem to like learning. They made me laugh and vice versa. When I showed them their homework they wanted to start it then and there, not wait until they got home. My Junior High class later that night was also fun, as we played custom Tic-Tac-Toe out of "things you like," which was a mix of Disney characters for the girls and video game consoles and weapons for the boys.

I might have more in common with Japanese adolescents than the entire human race.

Come what may, the quest continues. I am gaining valuable experience now and am definitely not standing still, I just want a better grasp of where I'm going. I do feel like my dream job would be teaching at a University, the kinds of classes I want to teach, like creative writing or literary studies, something people could really sink their teeth into and maybe even enjoy. Only one question remains: what country is that going to be in?


"Everyone's afraid of their own lives If you could be anything you want I bet you 'd be disappointed, am I right?" - Modest Mouse

"We are fixtures... barely passing as living human beings. Wake up wake up, we're losing everything... Do we really want to face reality?" - Achilles

Boosh

I finally joined the gym on Tuesday. It was another hour-long process of filling out forms and trying to understand what various thing meant (much like my cell phone acquisition) but it was worth it. For the first time in months I had a proper workout, and the facilities are actually quite impressive! The my only complaints are that they don't have a rowing machine and tattoos are supposed to be covered at all times.

Yes, you read right - supposedly showing that you have a tattoo can lead to instant cancellation of your membership, if any member "reports" you. I have my doubts as to whether or not this would really happen, and in any case, what is the purpose of such a policy?

Well, for those that don't know, tattoos are most closely associated with yakuza in Japan, or gangsters. The thing that baffles me is that gangsters get very easily recognizable tattoos, often full back-pieces if not larger, of dragons and swords and the like - it's not like anyone could ever mistake my wolfopuss for that! But as always I err on the side of strictness and just deal with it, carefully avoiding any exercises that expose my thigh... But really, what a silly rule. Even if a gangster were to become a member of the gym, would anyone actually have the gall to tattle on him for having a *gasp* visible tattoo?

I think this is a prime example of the kind of thing that would be considered blatant discrimination in America, but passes as fairly normal over here. It's not like it's really that bad, merely an inconvenience, but I felt the need to vent about it a little. This blog won't be on a downward spiral of Japanbashing any time soon.

On the subject of tattoos, there are way more young people with them here than I had thought. It is slowly going the way of America and they are becoming more and more common - I even saw some ridiculous guy on the train the other day with face tattoos, metal spikes on his arms, huge boots and a shirt that said Tokyo Punk. A trifle overboard in my opinion.

On a completely unrelated note, here is a clip of the latest thing I'm watching, a rifftrax of Memento:


*cough cough.* - Electric Wizard

Hardcore lives in the adult district of Shinjuku

I'd like to start off today's blog by saying that the shift from New York to Japan has been a big one for many different reasons: New food, new job, new living situation, new country, and so on to infinity.

Infinity

There is one thing that hasn't changed though: Wherever I go I can meet people who like the music that I do, who want that release that only a hardcore show can give you. For people who don't understand the appeal to the music, it's a hard concept to explain. For those of us that know, we know all too well.

What's going on in the above picture would probably look like a riot, a massive fight or just total chaos to most people, but to those of us who are familiar, it's a mosh pit. This idea has been misidentified and incorrectly defined most especially in the last 10 years on the internet (thanks youtube), and I'm not here to give you a proper definition: it's the kind of social spectacle you have to witness for yourself to try and understand. The energy is as amazing here as anywhere else, and I find the atmosphere to be especially positive.

Tokyo is also perhaps unique in that (as one older teacher so poignantly said): "No matter how niche or obscure a band is, they'll have a following in Tokyo." I've already talked to a few people here about "troycore" - a word for hardcore from Troy, NY a somewhat impoverished yet historical city across the river from Albany and the original home of Uncle Sam. I talked to a fellow named Akira at this show about Burning Human, Stigmata, Dying Breed, Dissent and Cutthroat, and some of those troycore bands rarely if ever even played out of New York. All but 1 are long defunct, being at least 10 years dated if not more. My point is the fact that I can have a conversation about my hometown bands all the way over here made me feel especially happy, and perhaps a little less completely out of place. Akira said he was also glad someone else knew these bands.

"I want to go to Troy," he said.

The club that the show was held at, Shinjuku ACB, is smack between the adult district and the hotel district of West Shinjuku, which is kiddy corner to a 20 story hospital. I suppose this all made sense to someone at some point in time. Before the show I stopped in an arcade and took the drumming picture above, and also tried Guitar Freaks, which is basically Japanese Guitar Hero (I'm pretty sure they thought of it first). And I stumbled upon some event at a public square which involved taiko (drumming) and dancing:



I later returned in between bands to view a political rally in the same spot, which must be described in words since I was staunchly told by security that no pictures were allowed to be taken. From what I saw, a band finished playing some vigorous number and a man with a microphone entered into a speech. There must have been at least 2 or 300 spectators. There were 4 flagbearers holding ridiculously huge flags, must have been 25 or 30 feet long, and I'm guessing they were of a political party. I also didn't understand much besides the word "government" in the speech. Once the man was finished, 2 cheerleaders came out and started a choreographed dance routine. There were at least a dozen private security guards in sight holding flashing batons (very deadly, I'm sure) and crouching strategically around the rally. There was also a barricade, and in between it was a "hypeman" who ran back and forth, encouraging everyone in a rabid fashion to applaud, applaud, applaud. I even saw some white tourist-looking guy clapping, and thought to myself that it was kind of sad. It's no wonder they think we're all stupid.

The band that played later, taken before the rally started.

I don't know where else to stick them, so here are a few pictures of bright and busy Shinjuku on a Sunday night:

And without further ado, pictures from the show. Enjoy.

As We Let Go again. Excellent hardcore that makes you want to move.

The True Path. I'm not gonna lie, these guys were a Bury Your Dead rip-off band, from the guitar-tones to the silly stage moves. They traveled 4 hours to get there though and were decent.

No Choice In This Matter. Pretty posi, seem to be a big draw. Fun and energetic, plus on-stage karate kicks!

Loyal to the Grave. Can't say enough good stuff about these guys, they are my favorite local band so far and really good dudes. They also bring the mosh.

Random fat drunken Brazilian dude at the show, insisted on rocking on stage.

Blacklisted. I didn't take many pictures, I was too busy dancing.

In closing, I'd like to say that I am very excited to start a new band. All the pieces are coming into place, and my friend Ian is as of today on his way out of Afghanistan onboard several long flights which will eventually bring him back to his wife and kid, here in Japan. He is also my future drummer, and boy do I ever miss having a band. My Dad just shipped out my guitar (thanks Dad) and I should be getting it in a few weeks. I was just watching a video from my band Damnation Alley playing in July and was remembering how fun that was....hard to believe that was only 3 months ago. If I can get that same feeling again over here, then I'll have everything I need.


"It has been so long since any piece of this made any kind of sense" - Lamb of God

"When the shadow of the sash appeared on the curtains it was between seven and eight oclock and then I was in time again, hearing the watch. It was Grandfather's and when Father gave it to me he said, Quentin, I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire; it's rather excrutiating-ly apt that you will use it to gain the reducto absurdum of all human experience which can fit your individual needs no better than it fitted his or his father's. I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all your breath trying to conquer it. Because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools." William Faulkner, "The Sound and The Fury."

I used to hate eggplants, now I just hate car accidents

Yesterday I was jogging and somehow managed to hurt my left knee. What does this mean for me? No more jogging for at least a week, and limping up and down all the stairs to and from the subways. Even the microwave and the toilet are a downstairs trek from my apartment. NO FUN.

I also managed to pay last month's rent, after discovering that the money was still sitting in my account this month. It's an understandable mistake I think, I mean the menu on the ATM is all in Japanese! (and if you take more than 15 seconds to try and read something, it assumes you've walked away and cancels your transaction) What got me was 3 options at the end about keeping receipts and yadayada, 1) was no and 2) was yes. Usually it's the other way around, at least where I'm from.

You may be wondering about the ambiguous title, so I'll get right down to it here. About 2 weeks before I left for Japan, I had planned one last roadtrip with my friends Rich, Laura and Gabe to Virginia Beach. The day before we left I had a tattoo appointment in Saratoga to get this little number done:

It's a Wolf-o-puss, of course!

We had already done outlines and most of the color in a previous appointment, this was just about 2 hours of "finishing touches." So it was raining, and I was in kind of a hurry to get to Saratoga, which is about 45 minutes from where I lived in East Greenbush. It had just stopped raining, and as I took the 270 degree exit ramp from 787 to route 7 at my normal speed if 40mph and began to straighten the wheel, the car started fishtailing. I wasn't paying proper attention and the roads were still really wet, so I must have lost traction. Trying to brake did nothing, and as I spun 180 degrees I watched incredulously as traffic was coming directly at me. About a second later I smashed into the guardrail, myself completely unscathed and with only my rear right blinker knocked out, and the bumper a little dented.

This was incredibly lucky. The cars coming just happened to be too far away for me to have collided with them, so it was a real close shave. I had driven as a pizza guy for almost a year, 6, 8, 12 hours a day and had went on countless roadtrips. Therefore I had total confidence in my driving ability, but all it takes is one slip up like that to bring you back to reality. I got off and the car was fine - I was a shook for a little while and drove very carefully to the tattoo place and back home later. The fun part was getting the lights replaced (much thanks to my step-brother for helping me, no garages would have been open on a Sunday) and wrapping the corner up in red tape to make it look a little better. Not perfect, but better.

The next morning I was driving down the Jersey turnpike and all was well. There were no hitches in the trip and it was a time to remember. Car accidents however are a very real danger that I don't regret leaving behind. While train accidents do happen, they are not nearly as frequent - and it wouldn't even be my fault! And yet, I still somehow miss owning a car and being able to drive, but not the copious maintenance and insurance payments that accompanied it. Or the danger factor.

I'm off to work. I hope you enjoyed this entry, I've been saving it for a slow day.

Act your age!

Today was a great day for teaching. If it wasn't for these periodic headaches I get every night due to my sinuses acting up, and the fact that I lost to the same stupid boss AGAIN in Final Fantasy 4 on my way home from work, I'd be in an especially good mood. Oh, and speaking of FF4 and general nerdery, I was playing it on my break today when one of the staff peaked over to see what I was doing. He whipped out his cell phone to show me "FF4: The After," a Japanese cell-only sequel! It didn't mean too much to me as I'm no superfan (it's my first time playing the game) but I'm sure Rich or John will shit their pants upon reading this. There are rumors of an eventual DS port.

But I digress. During one of my breaks I had an interesting conversation with a fellow teacher about career choices, gaming being such an ordinary pass-time in Asia (and the sport of the future) and most importantly the dilemma of the American youth. It's a hard time for us younger people to be taken seriously, let alone accomplish much of anything, when the propagated attitude is to be as apathetic, rebellious and destructive as possible. I know firsthand way too many people back in NY who prided themselves on their complete ignorance and ability to ruin just about anything good. I maybe agreed with this mindset when I was 14, but I definitely feel very differently about it now. There is something to be said for being a part of society, even if it means "just another brick in the wall." Ruining things for other people is not only selfish but pointless, if you take a moment to think of it from the perspective of the other guy. And so, with my current job I'm doing something I enjoy, getting paid for it and able to help some people achieve their goals. It beats utter nihilism or "anarchy," both of which are fun to entertain until you realize how completely useless they are in any real life situations.

But, I can still bang my head, mosh or play heavy music. I can still be angry about a lot of things. I can still express myself in all the same ways, I merely have to determine the proper time or place. Namely H20 and Blacklisted this Sunday @ Shinjuku ACB. YES!

Back to school. I have a wonderful pair of higher-level students I see every Wednesday night. One is a dog-loving, middle-aged woman who cackles with laughter a lot and is always asking questions, which I like. The other is a young guy who enjoys skateboarding and punk rock when he isn't wrapped up in his suit and tie. The conversation got so comical when I gave an exaggerated example of sarcastic tone of voice that the woman said that I should have my own T.V. show. This was of course very flattering, but strangely enough not the first time I have heard this from someone. I guess I can make some pretty strange faces and know how to control my vocal dynamics enough to entertain people.... And I had stuck my head out the window in an imitation of the opera-technique where people sing out of windows, so maybe that had something to do with it.

Age also came up, and I mentioned how I am 23. The woman was surprised, saying that she thought I was older.

"Well I've always been mistaken for being older, especially if I grow my hair out at all."

"It's not your appearance, it's the way you act. You talk with such confidence."

This again was really flattering, but it is what I have been going for all along: To at least appear professional and like I know what I'm doing. How about that, it worked!

And so ends another day where I think I have the perfect job for me. I've definitely never been this happy working at any other job in the past: McDonalds, Wendy's, Subway, Price Chopper, Stewarts, Mobile or Paesan's Pizza. The runner up would be the last one though: I got paid to drive around and listen to metal all the time. Still, it's nowhere near this.

And speaking of driving, that reminds me: In my next post, maybe I'll talk about how I got into a car accident and almost died a day before my roadtrip to Virginia Beach, a week before I moved to Japan! Yea!

The end is nigh

"Bush is a war criminal, we are in the midst of a coup and the state is shifting toward fascism."

These are the claims of Naomi Wolf, feminist critic and author of a book I felt I needed to order after watching the following video: "Give Me Liberty: A Handbook for American Revolutionaries." Whatever your opinions on the upcoming elections or politics in general, if you don't support police states, marshall law and dictatorships, you will agree with me that this is important viewing:



My political fervor has grown in recent years, but especially as of late. It would seem that separating myself physically from America while retaining my citizenship has almost paradoxically emphasized the importance of understanding where I'm from...If not for me, then for my family and loved ones.

Again, regardless of your beliefs, parallels to Mussolini- and Hitler-era dictatorships should not be ignored by the public. George Bush now has access to his own private army that answers only to him, and Congress, the House nor the Senate has no authority over them.

I seriously fear for the future of my country.


"The great Americans defined America as a chance for us not to flatter but rather to confront ourselves. They did not define patriotism as a smug legacy of entitlement, but as a universal challenge that always included the demand for self- correction. But we are so used to being raised on a rhetoric of artificial patriotism--the kind that you get to tune in to in a feel- good way just because you were lucky enough to have been born here and then can pretty much forget about--that this definition seems positively foreign today." - Naomi Wolf on "Fake Patriotism."

Yoyogi Park and Hokkaido Festival, in pictures

A fun day, so many amazing music acts, great food, good times. Too much was seen to be properly explained, so here are some stills:

100 meters from Yoyogi Park is Takeshita street. Both are a popular destination on Sundays.

I really don't get it - "Young People for Change"

Choreographed drumming and dancing: Taiko

A fake old man. He was funny!

I must have seen 200+ dogs, easily.

All of us are English teachers except one. CAN YOU GUESS?1?!?

Large phallic clock of doom

OK, so I get that a Hokkadio Festival means good dairy products, but really...

Dreams come true.

I also had one of these Chicken Filafels. IT'S GOOD ISN'T IT JORDAN

!!!

Even after stabbing me in the back with his gun, he was still pretty cute.

REAL BUTTER!

Awesome reggae band, Solar Lynch. I bought their cd.

Sweet kit!

Everything from Woody of Toy Story to Spike from Cowboy Bebop.

No thanks bro.

Pompadours are out of fashion? Nonsense!

Note the dragon tattoo on this guy's back - Definite Yakuza (Japanese gang-member)

Still busy.

In other news, I decided to axe CD of the week since a) not many people come here to read band reviews and b) it took time and I am lazy. Also skipped out on the live Japanese football game today, instead deciding to sit home in my underwear and watch NFL and just relax. I made the right decision.

I found the post office in a trek I made to the yet-unexplored regions of Tobu-Nerima, and also a "random stuff shop" that Dayn had told me about. I saw a Space Invaders coffee mug for $3, and in retrospect I don't know why I didn't buy it. There were also countless bits of anime paraphenilia and all that crazy nonsense. I'll take pics some time soon.

And, as suggested by my former band-mate Chris, here is a video tour of my apartment:


Be warrned that the wobbly camera-action may induce motion sickness.

Any other requests? I do listen, sometimes!

"When I scream, is it for machismo? Not intimdation no, or gender segregation, I just needed more from the words I sang but you can't understand.... According to you: A song should separate all the girls from the boys" - Polar Bear Club

"Squeedly-squeedly-squeedly-squeedly-meedly-meedly-meedly-meedly-meeeEEEEEE!!!!!" - Strongbad.